Mom, I feel the dread as if a bomb's about to expolde. I need to get showered and get the kids out of here so h can pack and go. My heart is racing, in my throat. I will check in later, my ahnds are shaking...
Me: 44 H: 47 M: 15 yrs SS: 20 SD: 18 S: 15 D: 11 BOMB: H left 8/4/07
I am sorry life is so painful right now. I have been there also. Time heals and makes us stronger. Be strong, show him what you are really made of. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Goal, I agree, logically but physically and mentally, well my body begs to differ. He's gone, reality; what do I do now. This is not supposed to be my life. We had our problems, but he (did) love me for who I am. Now all he can think of is me-that same person-in a negative view. Our entire family life is the way it is because of the choices and sacrifices I/we made so it could be like it is. How do ideals change; why is what makes you happy before the problems the exact reasons for the total unhappiness now? I am so lost in my thoughts.
Me: 44 H: 47 M: 15 yrs SS: 20 SD: 18 S: 15 D: 11 BOMB: H left 8/4/07
HBT Just checking in, I know that this may seem like your darkest hour, we all have gone through this. You must remember that you are not to blame, and it is hard to figure everything out. There are many more questions than answers. Right now please know you have done nothing wrong, no marriage is perfect we all have those every day issues. The person who your H is now is not the person who was with you all those years.
Originally Posted By: hanginbyathred
He's gone, reality; what do I do now.
Be strong, it will seem like your just going through the motions, but know that you will get through this. You must do this, your children will see and they do know that you are the one who is trying. They might not tell you or want to talk about it with you but they know trust me, be strong for them. They need a stable you even though you are hurting inside. You also must take care of yourself, it is important. You will redefine your life as you travel along on this journey, we all have changed, I believe for the better and are stronger. You to will once again enjoy seeing the sun rise and the sun set.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
NWH, I so appreciate your thoughts, I don't know how you are so strong but do appreciate the support. I feel so helpless right now, my d in the same room oblivious to my pain. This is my worst nightmare and its seems to be just beginning.
I know every couple has their issues, but its the (lack of) marriage committment and dedication to it that blows me away. He was such a moral and honorable person; but now lies spew out of him on a daily basis and he's irate with me for catching them! So so hurtful.
Me: 44 H: 47 M: 15 yrs SS: 20 SD: 18 S: 15 D: 11 BOMB: H left 8/4/07
HBT If you have read the resources remember that they become someone we don't know or opposite. I have made some of those changes and she didn't know how to react, she ran back to her C. She went from telling me she was leaning towards divorce to asking for MC together within an hour.
Originally Posted By: hanginbyathred
but its the (lack of) marriage commitment and dedication to it that blows me away. He was such a moral and honorable person;
My W too was this person, always there to help family or friends, condemning those who leave their marriage and not work at it. She always told everyone that marriage isn't easy all the time, you have to work at the hard parts. I guess I should have seen the opposite in her, close friends have been having problems in their marriage because of drinking on his part. Everyone else gave up even his best friend, my W told me not to get involved. Well too bad I did w/o her knowing and today he gets out of treatment. My W will never understand because the day she blew up telling me she never wanted me to call or see her is the same day my friend hit rock bottom. I was there for his wife and kids, and him when he needed someone to talk to. I pushed my sitch aside and helped them even thou I was hurting.
No one knows how their sitch will turn out, I know how I want mine to but that is up to her. It will be the same with you, each day you will become stronger, but you have to work at it. This take effort on your part.
Originally Posted By: hanginbyathred
my d in the same room oblivious to my pain.
The kids know what is going on and are afraid of the out come. They might not express it to you or know how to show the emotions they do know something is very wrong. They know that you are hurting, they are as well. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. They are looking to you to be that rock, it will be hard but you must push aside some of your hurt each day for them. Leave your grief for the night when you are alone, it will get better over time.
If you have not gone to C you may want to consider it, I never thought that I needed it, ever. Now I look forward to these sessions.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
NWH, Man I'm trying, my pillow is soaked from my first night sleeping alone! I blew it this am though, went to mass with d, got alittle teary-haven't been to church in years. My d just puts her arm aroound me and says 'everything's going to be ok mom, he'll be back soon'! She said she has a positive feeling and isn't worried. I wish it'd rub off on me...
BTW, h just called from golf course, 'checking in' and wants to stop by for awhile!! I played it very cool on the phone, you'd be proud. Also, I did keep a biscuit down this am too; my first goal!. Thx for being here today!
Me: 44 H: 47 M: 15 yrs SS: 20 SD: 18 S: 15 D: 11 BOMB: H left 8/4/07
I think it is better that he is out of the house right now. I have been exactly where you are over 2 years ago. Everything seems so hopeless. Just reading through your thread brings back those horrible feelings. I thought my world was going to end when my h moved out but as I look back it was better because I didn't have to deal with all the things he was going through.
My h was also the best hubbie, best friend, great dad, moral and honest person there was. In my life I wouldn't have thought he would have ever done the things he has done over this last 2.5 years. This was not my h, he was a shell of a man looking and searching for something that was at home the whole time and he didn't realise it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how he could treat me and the kids the way he did.
I went to C because I had to get all of this out and work on me. C really helped me to know this wasn't my fault that it was just something that my h had to work through himself. My C also gave me the advice to detach, don't call, and not to be available all the time when it was convenient for my h. She also helped me understand the torment that my h was going through and to give it to God and let him work on my h as I took care of my family. Them I had to learn patience and understanding big time!!! That is what is important.
You will make it. Take it one minute at a time, then one day at a time. It will get better, I swear!
