I think this is brilliant and does explain alot of fused behaviour. If you want to BE someone then you want to merge with them. You want them to mind-read, you want them to feel your emotions you get upset at anything that indicates their differentiation from you, because that ruins the fantasy that you are them and just as cool/smart/physically fit etc as they are.
I recently read somewhere "Opposites attract, then attack." My 2bx is very introverted and because I am the daughter of a manic-depressive, I have borderline qualities that cause me to sort of swing down into introversion then back up into extroversion. I felt like I was being punished all the time in my marriage because it seemed like my 2bx kept acting to keep me in my more introverted somewhat depressive mode. It is fairly apparent to me that I have been shopping for the "opposite" with my dating. All three of the men to whom I have been strongly attracted personality-wise so far (including the 2 I atually had sex with)were more extroverted/social than me (When I toddle around town with NG every place we go somebody comes up and say "Hi" to him and I find myself in the role of the relatively quiet blond on his arm. It's truly bizarre for me). It's like I'm telling myself I deserve the reward of being with someone who is fun and will act to keep me in a slightly manic mode. So, I predict that if I'm not self-aware the next mistake I will make is that I will end up in a LTR/marriage with somebody like Bill Clinton (and you guys know I ain't no Hilary).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
