well, here's a new thing to be bummed about. last night we had a bit of a cold snap here in MA. all day yesterday in fact, but I was busy with back-to-school stuff, so no time to dwell. went out to my friend's house last night, again, busy and had fun so no time to dwell.
the hard part was once I got home. the house was actually cold...well, cool, at least. I crawled into bed, alone. thankfully I was tired, so didn't think much, but I woke up by 6, freezing. and alone. not about sex (although, that, or the lack thereof, sucks too, of course), but oh, how I miss having him here to snuggle into. fall's coming, not today, but soon, will be here before I know it, and winter will soon follow. I just feel like I was hit with a brick. I love to snuggle under covers with H...love his warmth. love his heat. and its gone. and I lay there for a while this morning just sad...because he's with her. I know he is. I know it. she's snuggled into him, she has his warmth, she has his love, his body, you name it. its hers now. and I'm alone. what was that old song? "sleeping single in a double bed." I can't seem to get it out of my head right now.
Well, damn.
thinking I'm going to have to put the down comforter on early this year.
going to have a good cry/wallow before the kids wake up. their grandmother watched them last night and let them stay up late so hoping I have a little time on my own, so I can ride the wave of patheticness and feel okay again.
honestly, I've been doing okay the last couple of days. H isn't around until next wedn, so although he calls to talk to the kids each day, I don't have to deal with him face to face. that helps. I've been busy/gal and all that, so that has been good. I made a good start on re-assessing my goals, and did my fall list, so feel like I'm chugging along here. just stupid things like this that hit me and remind me of my situation, I guess.
okay, enough wallowing, back to being me again. back to embracing my new life. I suppose I could look on the bright side and remember that there may not be anyone to snuggle with, but there is no one to steal the covers, either, right?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
