I hope you and your troops are well. I read your last post a few days ago and have been mulling it over. I strongly believe you need to keep the lines of communication open. No matter where the relationship goes in the future you will have to be able to communicate in a civil manner for the sake of your children.
That being said, I never had any luck discussing relationship issues over the phone with my W. If I would pause to think of an appropriate answer my wife would interpret the pause as something negative. So I would just try to speak with her over family business issues and do it quickly and to the point.
Try to focus on your mission over there. I think your W still has not faced what a divorce will mean to her. Right now she is at home, with the kids, and enjoying the good things you have provided through your work and sacrifices. She has no reason to do any serious self examination. She still has the lifestyle she was use to.
On the self examination issue, I think my wife is starting down that road. Over the summer she had a falling out with her mother and has not spoken to her since. So now my W speaks with none of her own family. Last week my W said she wanted to take the joint counseling session we had for herself to discuss with the counselor the difficulty she is having with her mother. She also said she would be really interested what Shelly (my psychologist) had to say. So I think she has finally reached the point to where she is receptive to working on herself. I hope that this continues to her evaluating her prescription med use.
Hey FLTC, I think it is Bull too when people say kids adjust because my brother and I were kids who obviously did not adjust. My mom sees it but my dad denies it. But what can we do about it except model the proper behavior duringa crisis. No one is doing a better job of that than you. Your kids will someday honor that. I had no idea the hell my dad put my mom through until later on in life.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
what an amazing recount of your work there, it is very humbling, you all are always in my prayers)))))))
I understand how sometimes some postx could bring you down, for a while I stopped reading posts about As since it fanned the dying flames of the memories of my H'as A (a year later, op came back, just found out the 2nd PA was going on for the past 2 months, so i'm now fighting those monsters..but AHA! I have the weapons now)
As of yesterday I saw my sitch as hopeless, my H is not a whole person and has gotten in yet another sad web of lies and deceit, tearing appart all the love and trust I had put in him. I despaired, because I have been trying to "fix" us and him. I have given this fight to the Lord and I pray that he gives my H meaning to his life, if you can't love yourself how can you love others? it's something he has to learn.
Nothing is impossible to the Lord, and one way or other you will find peace. I faced the D sitch yesterday, (what if...) and after I faced it I was free from the gut wrenching aprehension I was under. If God is with us who shall be against us? i'd be a blablering crying idiot by now (the deceit was specially cruel) but I have peace now. You are in my prayers FLTC, one way or another you will be OK.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I want to thank all of you, old and new friends for writing, even though I don't write back like I used to. My day starts at about 7 AM and ends at 10PM. I wish the insurgents would take a personal day once in a while. Oh well.
Believe it or not, it's easier to be in Iraq with a huge sense of purpose than to be back in my shi&&y little garage apartment while my family lived 5 miles down the road in my $600K house. I still have about 11 months here, and although I miss my kids, my mental state is so much better IN IRAQ! Can you believe that? I don't get to write much, so I apologize, but I love to hear from you.
W. never emails, although at each leg of the trip here, she did say she was glad I made I safely, and did say she hoped I was OK last email. The most emotion out of her in 2 years.
For those of you new to my saga, without going through the whole gyration, W. told me in July 05 that she was "miserable, that we had nothing in common, that I wasn't a bad guy, but I just didn't satisy her emotional needs" Thinking back, yeah, probably didn't do that. The whole languages of love, etc. Guilty as Charged. The frustrating part of this is that it's so fixable, it's painful. My mental sate deteriorated over the next few months as I spiraled into total despair. I went over the edge mentally as I saw my family disintegrate and tried to check out though prescription meds. Those of you who have been here for a while know the whole ugliness of that, and many of you can probbaly understand the anxiety and despair. In addition my oldest daughter was out of control and needed to be sent to a school in Utah, where she is now. About 7K a month...... Thank goodness my pay is tax free here.
Mark, our W.s sound a lot alike. W. can hold a grudge (and often does) for YEARS! I can think of at least three women that she has totally alienated over the last 3 years over insignificant shi&.
mkultra, Being: Welcome to my thread. Thanks for your support. cat03: I'm really sorry to hear that things are not going well. You have been writng me for a long time now. I remember your story I'm so sorry. Any idea where COG hs been?
I'm not sure how to stop this spiral of noncommunication with W. I call and just speak withkids recently. She is so calcified, it's ridiculous. She can't even be human. I send the kid postcard every other day.
I get emails from a few women I work with, one of who I know is interested in me, and I may be in her if things don't work out. I do write them all back. Not a marriage proposal, and just an update, but it's good to here from other females. I have been celibate for 4 years now, and it really sucks. Not that that will chnage here, but man....life is so passing me by.
Anyway, I beleive this experience will change me for the better no matter what happens. Not for patriotism, not for glory, but for those on my left and my right.
Thanks for bumping me up to the top for a few days at least. Wow. I don’t recognize ANYONE here, except for Built for Speed. I didn’t have a lot of time, but even CatFan is not near the top.
Things here trudge along day by day. The days are long, but the weeks are fast. When I feel bad about stuff, I get snapped back into reality when the MEDEVAC helicopters fly in over our building at treetop level. The theater hospital is right across the street. They come in in pairs all day long, 5 or more times per day. Usually they have soldiers on them who are really hurt or Iraqi civilians or worse…little kids. So that it puts it all into perspective. I feel a tremendous satisfaction from my work here, opinion about the war aside. It is something that will change me forever.
On the home front, I continue to communicate with my kids as often as I can, and write several times a week. Postcards and emails. W. has sent a coupe emails asking for my cell phone, which I sent for my son…no response from her about anything. I did call the other day to talk to my kids. She answered the phone and was pleasant and didn’t seem to immediately rush me off. Whatever. I would think by now….I’m going on a year of separation next week that if something would light a fire under her maybe by now it would have happened. But as a good friend of mine said here the other day: “You never know. In 18 months away, you’ll change and she’ll change”, so who knows. Most days I’m OK, but occasionally, I’ll think ahead to the way it was before I mobilized last year, where I was living alone, was lonely all the time, and my son and daughters were my best friends in the world. I think about all the holidays to come, and the lonely nights on the horizon. I compare that to 20 years of family life. Fun vacations, sitting on my deck looking out over the woods in my backyard, and it’s so hard to think of a different lifestyle.
I read a quote once that said “divorcing another person is one of the cruelest emotional things one human can do to another”, and it really resonated with me. I really don’t want to be alone. The way it was before was so disjointed and emotionally exhausting. I would pick up my son every day and stay at my old house on Tuesday and Thursday and make them dinner, and then go back to my shi**y garage apartment, while my family stayed in the $700,000 house that I paid for. I don’t really know what I’ll do………It makes me sad beyond belief to see my family go through this. I get a vote, but it’s not the one that counts. The day I left for good, she took me to the airport, and as my kids were crying, she couldn’t even muster up a goodbye or a “be careful” I HAD THREE KIDS AND 20 YEARS WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I can’t write more often, but my days are unbelievable busy.
Glad to hear from you! Hope your children are responding to your emails and letters. I know the lonely feeling too well. No wise words, but can you use a hug? (((FLTC))) Hope others you know will respond soon. We know you're busy so just check in now and then when you have a chance. Most importantly, STAY SAFE!!!
