Stories don't always end

[BeingMe]

Me: 49
H: 45
Married: 21 years Together: 22.5 years
4 children: D27 (married with 2 children), Twins 20 (B/G), and D14
Bomb: May 2004
Piecing since May 2005

So! Another thread comes to a grinding halt .... 16 pages later. That must be a record!

My D14 and I watched Miss Potter the other day, and it was such a magical, gentle, moving movie. I enjoyed it so much! I always have loved Beatrix Potter's children's stories, and used to read it to my kiddywinks when they were small. Hereunder, is a quote from the movie which I find pertinent to our sitch's.

Beatrix Potter: "Stories don't always end where their authors intended. But there is joy in following them, wherever they take us." (Miss Potter)

Whatever happens with our M's, the story doesn't end after piecing, or even divorce. Our stories continue, and we hope with greater joy. Just as Miss Potter lost her love through death, she eventually found a new one, and a new life beyond what most of us would think is unbearable. Life does go on, and we should find as much of our own magic, and joy possible, while being truthful, honourable, and authentic as we can. Being true to ourselves does not mean destroying the lives of others, but finding a way to support those seeking their own truth (and allowing a little self-sacrifice with being a martyr ... some things, like our children, are worth sacrificing some effort to see whether the M can be rejuvenated).

So, once again, in starting a new thread, I wax philosophical. The world is a strange place, sometimes dark and sometimes light, and we each are on our own journey that follows the path through the dark and light, hopefully girding ourselves with courage, like little red riding hood did with her scarlet cloak (okay, now I'm waxing metaphorical ... haha). The alternative is misery, pain, and a life not well lived. In my humble opinion.

My signature has a quote from Yoda, in Star Wars: "Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose." I still am training myself to let go of the things I fear to lose. Fear feeds our anger, our pain, our sorrow, jealousy, despair, and all those types of negative emotions. While we may never vanquish fear, we do need to control it in such a way, that we can let go, eventually, of that we fear the most to lose ... our marriages. Often, that is when we find it again, renewed and more magical than ever. Or, we move on to find a better life beyond.

Hope I made sense here.

As for my M ... H and I still see each other only on weekends. With his working away from home during the week, it feels like I am a SAHM, but I don't mind too much. I do get lonely, but I have started putting into action some of my GAL goals, such as meeting new people (Toastmasters), renewing acquaintances (invited a lady to dinner who I met when we first arrived here 2 years ago .. it was nice to hang out with someone other than my children), and so on. I still continue with my other passions ... painting, writing, reading. We still have to consider what to do with H's new job (to move or not to move, and if to move, then when ... you know, all those circling questions), but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we will just deal with the present.

So there you are, friends. I think I'm moving forward in the right direction.

If anyone is interested, here is the link to my My Last Thread

[Phoenix_spark]

Ping, setting off on this weeks trip. Reporting in later.

[ACJ]

With the extra info you gave about Hs job I can now understand why this new move has to happen. It will not be an easy decision but one that I can see you must make. I wish you well with it

[whatisis]

Ahh, Being Me, you're living the life. I dream of only having to see my S on weekends!!!!

[BeingMe]

Thanks for posting everyone. What I meant to stay was that I feel like a single mom during the week. I am a SAHM anyway.

I must say, Wii, my H is a little more saner than your W, and we do have fun together. So, I look forward when he comes home.

I am still allowing him some space to work out his 'thing', as I stated in my last thread. He does still vent a lot about work and such, but that's what a W is partly there for, 'eh. I also am trying not to cling to him when he is home on the weekend. I don't want him to feel smothered. I do spoil him a little by making good meals (he eats a lot of junk, or frozen meals when he's away, or goes for days just eating fruit), and finding one thing for us to do that's fun.

Tomorrow, D14 and I are off to the nearest main city on the mainland. We are flying there in a float plane, so it should be fun. My D14 loves flying and wants to get her pilot's licence, hence her joining the air force cadets (although she does like other aspects of the cadets, like the survival camps, drill team, etc.). So, lots of GAL activities for me, and stuff for D14 to do too.

We have friends coming to visit this weekend, and other friends arriving the week after next, so it's going to be a busy time at the end of the summer holiday.

I am looking forward to September in some ways but not in others. I will be driving to our previous city, just before my birthday at the end of the month, to help my D20 get ready for the arrival of her baby (due date is on my birthday). I hope things go smoothly, and that I don't have any confrontations with her idiot, older BF. I am dreading having to go to their place, but it has to be done, 'cause she will need her mom at this time. So, I am going to have ready myself to be calm.

October, my D14 and I will be flying (hopefully) to St. Louis to visit my D27. My H may try and meet us there for the weekend from wherever he is on a project. This is, of course, if all works out with his new job, etc. D27 and D14 celebrate wedding anniversary and birthday on the same day, so we'll be able to have a double celebration on that day. It will be fabulous to see my two grand-daughters too.

So! That's pretty much my next couple of months taken care of. Little time to obsess about my M, or anything else for that matter.

(Nice to have it written out here, so that I can remember what and when things are going be happening.)

Have a great week everyone!

[whatisis]

Being Me, you have fun with your H? Is that legal?

[Aud31]

Hi BeingMe,

Sorry I dropped off the radar for a few days...went camping with the little ones, and we had a lovely time.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I appreciate your clarifications regarding our previous discussion, and I understand you're facing some major life decisions as a family and for yourself. I know you will do what works best for all involved.

You sound lovely today, and a busy time ahead! Keep on keepin' on. You're fabulous!

[BeingMe]

Wii - 'fun' with one's H is a requirement in my books.

Aud - thanks for posting. Camping is such fun, isn't it, and a great way to bond with one's children while having a blast. As for the, yet another, major life decision .... we have decided to wait out this year, before selling the house and moving. My S20 will then have completed his Gr 12 upgrades, and extra credits and will have (we hope) have registered in the engineering program. I have spoken to D14 and she says that she will do whatever we decide, and just hopes she can get into the US Air Force cadets even though she is not a citizen. The house will also be more ready to sell then, with the upgrades we are doing, and houses sell better here in the spring. We may buy a house in WA, in the meantime, while it's a buyer's market. So, this is our reasoning for now. Sounds logical, but we have to be cognizant that sometimes logic doesn't always win the day.

Had a great day yesterday with D14. She loved the float plane trip. We found some lovely clothes for her first day at school (it's a tradition of mine that we always go out and buy a new outfit for the first day of school, after summer and Christmas break ... it's just nice to start the first day of school in a new outfit). We also went to the Asian malls, where she was able to buy some stuff at the Japanese stores that she loves. She takes Japanese at school, and loves all good things that are Japanese. She is a good artist, and a lot of her stuff is anime (her own characters, and story plots, etc. ... she is a very different kind of teen, so sometimes, it's difficult to explain her, and even her friends are really different to most teens, but really interesting and fascinating to talk and listen to). It was a long bus drive to the Asian malls, and then that same bus drive back to the city centre, and then another long bus drive to the ferry terminal (which turned out to be running late), then finally home, to where S20 picked us up. It was good to be home, but I really enjoyed our trip. We did a lot of goofing around (we share a very similar sense of humour), and pointing out different stuff at the stores, her making fun of me 'cause I hate flying but there I am in a float plane with her, etc.

H informed me last night, that not only will he not be home next weekend, but the following weekend, he will only be able to get home by Saturday morning, then he leaves again on Sunday night. This sucks! I am not happy, and asked him how we are supposed to be a family if this is going to be his schedules. This is one of the reasons I am encouraging him leaving this dumb company and going to the other, bigger and probably more professional company. The present company is small, and turns out they don't treat their staff very well. They took more than a month to pay his expenses (and he had to get his own credit card which he never had to do with other companies), and they act as if they are doing you a huge favour by paying those expenses. Good grief! He's not travelling to these out of the way places on a holiday ... he's there to work, earn his salary, and earn the company a lot of money. Ugh!

Anyway, I felt really upset last night after hearing this. We chatted a little on the phone, but then he had to go to bed because he was tired. I thought to myself that this is what our M is reduced to .... short chats on the phone (where we mostly talk about his job, and the possibilities of taking the other, and that sort of thing), and the occasional weekend (where I go out of my way to make things pleasant, and not do or say anything to spoil our time together). This is way too much pressure. I don't know how long I can handle this. I am so lonely, and I don't feel I can say anything to him right now about my feelings. My GAL activities will take time to produce (if any) friendships of a lasting nature, my long time, close friends are far away (and one has her own R problems that she is sharing with me, so I don't want to burden her, but rather be a strength to her). This news kinda put a damper on the day, but then I decided not to let it.

Okay, enough venting and whining! I do have stuff to do this afternoon, so will concentrate on getting those things done, and will do some reading tonight. Our friends arrive sometime this weekend, so have to get the spare room prepared.

Take care, y'all!

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, girl, know what you are going through. My H is deployed for a year. Left May 1. While things are going well, today I was a bit irritated/angry w/ him as we don't get to talk much lately and it seems that he's not putting much effort into making it happen. I have decided I guess I would "expect" him to want to talk to me more and maybe email me more other than short replies or nothing at all, but my friend said "well, just remember he is a guy." They don't think the same way we do. Hang in there! I know what you mean about feeling like a single mom. Sometimes I don't even feel married anymore!

[cat03]

your quote is so lovely, I might have to make it my mantra in regards to my H, maybe now is a good time to let go.