Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Willing NJ H]

NOMO and Disillusioned,

No prob at all. Your convo's help me as well... always a bonus. Thanks for the email NOMO, got it today. I'm going to try to put some effort into it over the next few days.

Disillusioned,
Your a month newer than me, so I know it's tough. Start reading all the posts you can, get involved, and read DR (at least). I haven't checked to see if you have your own thread yet, but I will when I get the time.

I wasn't on yesterday becuase I went to a gang class in north Jersey. Awesome class, great chance to netwrok with other cops and investigators from Maryland through N.Y., but the traffic is horrible up there. It should've taken me 1 hour to get there, but it took me 2+ on the way up and almost 3 on the way back. I was so frustrated after sitting in traffic for 3 hours, that I got home, spent time with D and went to bed.

I've been doind better overall, but the thought of her possible having an A behind my back is eating at me. I've been working on it very hard, but my mind and gut aren't listening lol. Every time she leaves the house, gets a pone call or text message, etc., I get all messed up. I've had an upset stomach for the past week, and my system is all out of whack. I'm actually doing great with the S and M issues, even ok with the thought that we may or may not make it, but another man in the middle right now has me going bananas!

W, D, and I went to a local diner tonight, and just hung out afterward playing with D. Ok time, awkward because I know shes only their because of spending time with D, and because she doesn't want me to dislike her if (when in her eyes) we split. I'll take what I can get right now and make the best of it. I know I need the time with her so she can see the new me, but the time with her is what's torturing me the most right now. I see everything in her eyes, and it rips at my gut every time I see the "I don't love you" look in them. I re-read the beginning of DR today, and as Michelle says... it's a long hard road. Thanks for DBers is all I can say. When I don't feel I have the strength to deal with this, we have people who know what we are going through to help us get by.

Disillusioned, thanks for the interest. Listen to NOMO, he's a great guide. Look into others too, there are many experienced DBers, and some new DBers, on here that are wonderful teachers.