Fusion is a very unattractive behavior, in both men and women.
I also think that when we say 'validate' ourselves, it's more along the lines of Hairdog's self-validation: "No matter what happens, I know I can handle it." I like it when my bf tells me I'm pretty or that he loves me... it is part of the process of creating emotional connection and vulnerability. Men like to hear it too... they often describe it as 'admiration.' I don't put his opinions above my own, however. To do so would create a power play, and fusion.
For me to 'fish for a compliment' from him would be my own attempt to 'fuse' with him. Anything he might deliver after my 'fishing' will not feel genuine, to both he and I, because I am prompting him to give it. He now cannot give freely, and with feeling, for in my 'fishing,' I have robbed him of the opportunity.
I might do that every now and then, and get away with it, but if I constantly seek his approval, all it will do is repel him. I have a little sister who does this very thing... and I swear, she is so emotionally needy, I can hardly stand to be around her. She is flippin' exhausting. I don't spend much time with her.
It is the exact same thing with sex, and, I would suspect, the reason CeMar feels so dissatisfied... why many HD people feel so dissatisfied with sex.
