Hey, J, The other day, we were talking, and I don't remember what was said first, but I asked him what reassurance did I have that he wasn't still doing things that he shouldn't be doing, and he said like what? I said like seeing someone you shouldn't, and doing things for that person. He said, well how would I have time when you keep me on such a tight leash, and want to know where I am at all times, and besides I TOLD you ow went back to her ex-H!
I, of course, do not keep him on a tight leash, I merely have told him I choose to try and trust him again, and that it's up to him to do what's right. So, as for what he is willing to do, I guess coming home on time, being nicer to me and spending time with us as a family, at least occasionally, but still dragging his feet a little there.
He asked me why it had been a year since this discovery of his EA, and why I hadn't gone back to work, and I said I have been so stressed and depressed that I couldn't do anything, wouldn't have been able to concentrate on a job. I almost think he kind of understands this now. Maybe.
BTW, I saw where rocco has posted on someone else's thread, and things seem pretty much the same.
If I were to read my life like a novel, I would like to be the woman who never gave up, and lived as Godly a life as possible. I am trying to live that, and I feel that if I stay the course, I will succeed, and that my H will see that I will show him the kind of love and forgiveness that he knows is real.
He recently said something about how I treated him, and then said so you think part of the reason was that you thought I didn't love you? I said yes, I believe it was. I didn't feel important. So, i think maybe it will take alot of time, but eventually he will (God willing) get it that it wasn't all me.
He says he has never forgiven anyone for something big, and I believe that his parents may not always have let wrongs go either. I have been wronged against many times, but those who have wronged me, can actually look me in the face and know I don't hold it against them any longer. There are those who have been toxic in my life that I avoid now, but it took alot to end up doing that. I wish he could see that forgivenss is something you have to do for yourself, and that God will not forgive him if he will never forgive.
He is enjoying his "new role" as boss of the house,when he says something, I don't go against him.
He says he is not leaving me, but he cannot promise me anything. He talks about our future in a way. He referred to the new kitten as "our" kitten.
No, he will not go to counseling.
He says a counselor hasn't walked in his shoes, so he wouldn't understand his side of things. I think he is maybe a little ashamed of himself and doesn't want anyone to know. Even though I told him the counselors have seen the same thing thousands of times.
I have told him that I have found several books to help me with my problems, and helped me to see what it was he had needed from me all these years, and when he asked like what? I told him about the 5LL's. That he needed physical touch, and words of affirmation, and talked about that a little, and I think that kind of impressed him that I WAS doing something. I also told him I understand now that he really felt I should have been a financial partner with him.
This morning we took our nephew out to breakfast, he just got home from five months of basic training, and he really looks up to H, all our nieces and nephews do, so seeing them I hope will let him see what he could have lost. I mean, none of them see the uncle who cheated on his wife, my sister, and went off and married the ow. Even his D doesn't like him that much, because he actively would choose ow over her, and still does. Of course, he didn't much care for anyone but himself, anyway. But my H is well-loved by all the family, and he loves them as well, it would be sad to lose all that. And the whole family has never heard me say anything bad against my H, even though my H said they all have seen how I have treated him. He said at least two of my sisters said I was a bit*h, but I think he wanted to stir things up, so I wasn't confrontational about it. Because, as I told my H, I have NEVER said anything bad about him to anyone.
Well, I hope the weekend goes well, I invited our nephew to go to church with us, and I hope H won't work an extra job that morning.
And thanks J, for being there for me, although I do wish you would answer your email
