Didn't I post this very recently in response to that question?
Yes you did post this before and I think you could probably post it every two weeks just to remind people about the terms.
I was in the airport and didn't have much time to write a more indepth question at the time. I guess part of my question was to try to get people to define what they actually mean by fusion versus connection. People seem to tell me that I am either not being honest OR just don't realize it when I say that I don't believe I have fused myself in relationships and that I think that has been a positive for me AND the relationships. Reading the list Lillie gave I think "validates" my belief that I am a well-differentiated person. I am able to have very deeply connected relationships because of the fact that I don't fuse or distance.
I've also written this before but I will write again to clarify. If I have a day where I don't feel my best and Raven tells me I am beautiful, I don't automatically feel beautiful. I appreciate him and I am smart enough not to argue with him but his words don't "make" me feel beautiful. AND if I have a day where I feel great about myself and he doesn't compliment me, I STILL feel great. Same thing with work. I don't think I did a great job on my last project BUT the client and my boss did and I received a 20% salary increase. I still know that I did NOT do a great job. And at a past job, my boss criticized me and did not comment on my good performance. I still KNEW that I had done a good job. The balancing thing with work is that I am smart enough to always listen to critiques and I even ask for them if I don't get them. Then I have to weigh those critiques and consider if they are accurate. I believe I always have to look at improving.
Now I think my XH did have a tendency toward fusing but the way he handled it when he felt too fused to me was to distance himself which really is just the flip side of fusing, right? He didn't really figure out what the issue was for him.
Ironically I was probably a very good partner to him because of my ability for intimacy without fusion. I was able to be close and empathize with him and be supportive while at the same time I didn't baby him or just give in to him all the time either.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
but his words don't "make" me feel beautiful. AND if I have a day where I feel great about myself and he doesn't compliment me, I STILL feel great. Same thing with work. I don't think I did a great job on my last project BUT the client and my boss did and I received a 20% salary increase. I still know that I did NOT do a great job. And at a past job, my boss criticized me and did not comment on my good performance. I still KNEW that I had done a good job. The balancing thing with work is that I am smart enough to always listen to critiques and I even ask for them if I don't get them. Then I have to weigh those critiques and consider if they are accurate. I believe I always have to look at improving. 