Well Plan goes to Hell!!! My SIL saw OW mother and OW mother is devasted and can't believe what is going on. I had a bad morning and H called I snapped and said somethings and he did too. Why can't I get a handle on this..Are you guys having as much trouble with this or am I just crazy. I am 100% sure he wants out and go on to something else. I have to get my self together some way just like you Mat I am struggling and sorry I blew up. He called wanting me to pump him up for a big deal today and I just made him furious. But it is funny how everything always comes back to how I didn't improve myself in our marriage and he was helping me. That I turned the kids away from him. He did that on his own. Oh well its just as easy for me to take the blame. I did call an apologize for starting an arguement on his big day on this business deal. I was just so upset at him and her. I feel like it is over and I am numb and life will go on. I just have to move ahead by myself. If it was easy we wouldn't all be in the same boat. How do you harden yourself to all of it. Being soft hearted is the pits. I always thought it was admirable but now I think that the more harded hearted you are the easier to face things. I have to accept the fact that she is a big part of his life right now and I can't do anything about it but work on my self. Will you guys hit me over and over with a 2x4. It is so hard when you are involved in so many different things with him. It is hard to make a clean break. I have grown and learned its just contolling it that I am having a hard time. I have learned alot about what I let myself become and it wasn't me. Back to reading Cali and Bob's detachment. I need to get a grip. My MIL told me I try to talk things through to much. I just like to face things and solve them. This is one thing that is to complicated to solve. I have this poem
Thoughts become actions Actions become Habits Habits become Character Character decides Destiny
Thinking positively and find solutions. Never give in to negative thoughts The seeds of positive thoughts that you sow will surely yield a beautiful harvest one day....
I fell today down the stairs of negative thoughts about H and OW. I have to learn that I have to accept what I cannot change. No matter what and some how make myself understand and accept it. I guess if we hadn't drug this on forever the last 5 years it would be easier for me. Is it easier for them to shut it out and have no feelings. He blames me for so many things that he won't even think of working on things. He says he worked on them for years and I didn't listen. Amazing how they think. I see it different not that I wasn't to blame I do have many faults but so did he. I guess here I go venting again and again. I am goign to read detachment again.
