Bob and Left in Cal, You don't know how perfect your timing is for your posts. I appreciate everything. You are the greatest. I hav eprinted everything off. thank you again....
((((PennyMB)))) It's good to hear that WH family still supports you. That is a good thing. I would caution you, though you know situation best, to still be cautious, but keep that caution to yourself. Would you like some suggested reading materials? My MIL is good to me too also, so I know where you are. It's sad for WH when their family sees them as the one who destroyed the marriage. BoB
I first plan is to read the detaching post the Cali and Bob wrote everyday. I have tolearn that I can make it with out his love or him and I am finding myself which i lost that is the hardest part for me. It is reallyhard for me to have that hard side it is not my personality. He calls and asks so concerned. He plays with my mind so much. I am trying to stay busy. I've been trying to spend time with Y son before he goes back to college. That will be the hardest with him gone. I am going to try and get all my accounts and everything up to date. Do an inventory on things and go meet with my bil that is husband b but he is a partner in our business and an accountant. He wants to goover thingswith me . He is a good guy and I have always been close to him and his wife. Then I guess find a good lawyer.
1. We have to learn to be positive. I have been listening to the secrets of personal achievement to try to teach myself goals for myself. That I am the only one that can control what I do and how I do it. 2. Set a goal. No matter how small just set it and follow thru. 3. Exercise. 4. I just have to learn to be strong.
Thats kinda tenative plan. Mat is is the hardest thing I have ever done. I didn't realize in the last 2 or 3 years how much I have become to try and save everything and lost myself. It was all for him instead of me. I would really like to take a few days and go somewhere but I don't know where.
My MIL said get rid of him and live my life that I have put up with enough. She said if he thinks she is coming into this family lots of luck that I am one of her kids and she is nothing.
Wow, your MIL sounds a lot like mine. She said OW will never ever be a part of her life. It's nice to hear that even though they are IL's they think of you like family. I wish you all the best with them. I have learned that I can count on some of my IL's and the other ones are playing both sides, so be a little careful...they are still your H's family and some of them might not be sincere.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I know you still have to remember that blood is thicker than water. I know they all still love him like me but are just as disgusted with him as I am. Well I have been out trying to find my horses that got out they were out in the wide open spaces and had t have my son come help me. I had forgot to log out. So I hope you guys have a good day....
Penny, It sounds like you have a plan, good for you. This is so hard, but I think we have all grown. We are going to make it. I'm a lot stronger woman than I was 9 months ago. You have also shown strength and what you are made of. No one can take away your strength and pride!
Hugs, Kim
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Well Plan goes to Hell!!! My SIL saw OW mother and OW mother is devasted and can't believe what is going on. I had a bad morning and H called I snapped and said somethings and he did too. Why can't I get a handle on this..Are you guys having as much trouble with this or am I just crazy. I am 100% sure he wants out and go on to something else. I have to get my self together some way just like you Mat I am struggling and sorry I blew up. He called wanting me to pump him up for a big deal today and I just made him furious. But it is funny how everything always comes back to how I didn't improve myself in our marriage and he was helping me. That I turned the kids away from him. He did that on his own. Oh well its just as easy for me to take the blame. I did call an apologize for starting an arguement on his big day on this business deal. I was just so upset at him and her. I feel like it is over and I am numb and life will go on. I just have to move ahead by myself. If it was easy we wouldn't all be in the same boat. How do you harden yourself to all of it. Being soft hearted is the pits. I always thought it was admirable but now I think that the more harded hearted you are the easier to face things. I have to accept the fact that she is a big part of his life right now and I can't do anything about it but work on my self. Will you guys hit me over and over with a 2x4. It is so hard when you are involved in so many different things with him. It is hard to make a clean break. I have grown and learned its just contolling it that I am having a hard time. I have learned alot about what I let myself become and it wasn't me. Back to reading Cali and Bob's detachment. I need to get a grip. My MIL told me I try to talk things through to much. I just like to face things and solve them. This is one thing that is to complicated to solve. I have this poem
Thoughts become actions Actions become Habits Habits become Character Character decides Destiny
Thinking positively and find solutions. Never give in to negative thoughts The seeds of positive thoughts that you sow will surely yield a beautiful harvest one day....
I fell today down the stairs of negative thoughts about H and OW. I have to learn that I have to accept what I cannot change. No matter what and some how make myself understand and accept it. I guess if we hadn't drug this on forever the last 5 years it would be easier for me. Is it easier for them to shut it out and have no feelings. He blames me for so many things that he won't even think of working on things. He says he worked on them for years and I didn't listen. Amazing how they think. I see it different not that I wasn't to blame I do have many faults but so did he. I guess here I go venting again and again. I am goign to read detachment again.
well I sent an email and this is what it said Should I've or not
This morning talking to him in this Arguement I thought what you guys had written so I sent it to him. We will see the reaction. I couldn't tell you what it will be. He called while ago and ask if I still wanted to chew his A$$ somemore.
I have this and decided this is me and what I need to do. I am going to focus on myself and positive thoughts and see what life will bring. I some times have those moments like I did this morning but it is out of selfishness and hurt that I do those things and I just need to accept it and keep my head up and moving forward. Like Napoleon Hill says it is the worst of the fears “Loss of Love”. But I have to learn to accept it. And face it like he said you have to learn to “Get a Long Without Love.” It is a struggle but I will survive and I don’t consider my self a victim. But sometimes you fall into a category and need to change chapters. I will change chapters and move ahead. A giving pleasing personality has me playing tug a war within my self. I found this interesting and thought I would just send this to you because I guess this is what you have been trying to tell me. I just need to be hit with a 2x4 for it to soak in. Thanks for the help. Luv ya always Pen
Why?? What if?? Yes, but... I can't... I'll try...
Why??
The main reason most of us ask why is because we believe with a little more knowledge and a few more details, we can "control" the situation and or person. Asking "why" only wastes our energy - it rarely changes anything.
What if??
What if's keep us from living in the reality of the moment and also keep us from admitting we are powerless. When we are in the past with the "whys" and the future with the "what ifs" we loose today. Today is the only day we have.
Yes, but...
When we "yes but.." we are not listening to what others have to say. We are being self centered and self absorbed, and in essence saying we are so unique that what has worked for countless others will not work in our situation. Each time we "yes but" we are cooking up excuses inside our heads and our minds are closed.
I can't..
This is our biggest lie to ourselves. The truth is not that we can't, but that we won't. It is where we let fear have control over our lives.
I'll try.
The saying, "to try is to lie" refers to how easily we fall into making excuses. If we say, "I'll try" we lack commitment. "I'll try" allows us to bide our time while looking for an excuse not to do whatever we have said we'll try.
H.O.W.
HOW do we detach?
H - Honesty with ourselves and others.
O - Openness to hearing new ideas and breaking old ways of thinking and behaving.
W - Willingness to take risks and try something different.
Detaching with love does not mean that we stop caring. It simply means that we quit trying to control someone else and their behavior. We stop creating comfortable environments for unacceptable behavior. We stop lying to ourselves, we accept the reality of who the person is instead of focusing on who they "could" be.
Letting Go
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
