Hi Donna - Thanks for stopping by my thread. I am sad that your H is feeling compelled to walk down this path. However, as the amazingly supportive posts have been urging, his choices should not dictate yours or the kids happiness. But of course, the gap between 'should not' and 'does not' can be a wide one
One of the basic tricks that is critical through this process is to maintain focus, and to be honest, I still struggle with this sometimes. For now, as you head off to Florida, your only concern should be to have the best possible time with Still and your kids. These are precious times, and should not be wasted on thoughts of H. Promise yourself that when you are back will be soon enough to think about him, or the R. Set yourself goals for the weekend, and let yourself luxuriate in the joy of making progress.
Really, the next job is cleaning up the money. I could not agree more with OT. One approach that I used with myself is to allow myself to go off on a tangeant (which often was an indulgence) only AFTER I had completed a critical task. So, perhaps until your money situation is sorted, no thoughts of kids' college fees? (Your concern is understandable, but really, any number of things could happen between now and then, and for now, the topic may be tagged as crazy-making)
Your letter was fabulous, but I hope you never send it to H. That would be vesting too much power in his hands. Just writing it must have been like emotional spring-cleaning, no?
I know these past 9 months must have been hell. Your strength has brought you this far, and the lessons you have learnt on the way will carry you further. We all ache for what could have been, I wish I could say otherwise. But, it does get easier, and to be honest, the self exploration and growth gets a bit addictive (which is partly why I'm still here 3+ years on ;))
I look forward to being a fellow traveller on your journey. Hugs to you, Slowly
