Taking a moment to slap something down...not necessarily for any sort of advice but just some journaling...My previous posts were a little more slap stick than they were taken. I hadnt really intended to take things ENTIRELY opposite of what I was doing (but thanks SD for the thoughts!!) I realize that I cant do everything opposite...maybe putting my pants on both legs at the same time to switch things up.
My sitch has been going ok, sometimes great. The strange thing that I have noticed is that I am back to being the murky confused individual I once was. I wouldnt want to place the blame on my W for this but I have to wonder what it is with how I relate to her that makes me act this way. I couldnt make a decision if my life relied on it. By no means am I spineless, I just weigh all the alternatives to such a degree that I find myself whirlling on the merry go around to where no decision ever gets made. I guess my direction gets halted and strangely it's almost like I am waiting for someone to tell me where to go. I recently had my 40th birthday and it hit me harder than I imagined. I am NO where near where I thought I would be. I missed the timeline in getting my grants together for schooling to change my "career". I now need to wait until dec to get that going. The old terms of DB'ing (GAL and Detach) and certainly at the forefront but it seems a lot more difficult to achieve when the W is living under the same roof. I no longer have that slot of time where I dont have responsibilities to tend to or what I create. It seems I am spending time with W watching TV because that is what I SHOULD do, meanwhile that is something that I least like. I did squeeze some time in recording a song I wrote or at least laying down a couple of tracks. That helped a little but it seems my mind wavers to that time awhile ago when my mind seemed to get nourishment from OW. Not that I would go there but it is something I feel I need to address. I look around my house and it is like I have been transported about a year ago when this whole saga was simmering in the back ground. There is about 3 or 4 projects that have been started and NOT FINISHED (home improvements). I thought about this and these improvements were done just 8 months ago. I guess not up to date enough...Its much like my life...doing improvements that have already been done for no reason. So i need to do less introspecting and more something...Thanks High and Aud for leaving footprints in my thread. I always appreciate your thoughts on things... Anyway, on with the day...peace
