Supper w/w went good. First thing w/made clear, this was not a date. I learned more about om and his r w/my w. I learned more about my r w/my w, some more of the things that lead to this. She talked about her trip. She was proud of figuring out traveling. I am proud of her to, wish it was under different circumstances. I told her my goal for the evening was to not push her away any further. Overall it went good.
Then I went to our bed as planned, she was already in there talking to om. She asked what i was doing, i replied going to bed. She left room with her fan saying to om i guess im getting kicked out of my room. I fell asleep guilty. She returned in about an hour, said some things and crawled in upset. Today I had a counseling apt. she called cell when i got out to talk about sleeping arangements. She wanted me out I refused. She said she felt secure in there she decorated it. I said i liked it to she had good taste and should have an interior decorator. It went back and forth, and each of us were right in our mind. After we where both crying I told her i needed to think about it and told her i felt like im giving up on her if i give in then hung up. I thought about dbing and Is this going to help or hurt our r. I called her back and told her that some things arn't resolveable and i dont want to damage our r any further and I'M SORRY i will go back to spare room. She said thanks for not letting her worry all day about it. We both calmed down and she payed me a compliment about the shorts and shirt i had bought for myself recently.
After Work today she was talking to om outside, pretty sure she went out back door while i was taking off my boots in entryway(front door). I got home at 4:30 she came in at 5:30 latest. 6:00 figuring out check book phone in front of me, om calls, I pick up phone and say hello can i help you? Did you want to talk to my wife? She's right here. He didnt say anything. gave phine to w. He called back in 2 min. wish i would have had the phone still. She answered and went outside. Later she said when she came in earlier phone had cut out. thats why he called back. I work the same hours all the time 6:00 to 4:30 not to tough. and who calls at supper time 6:00, guess he isn't smart enough to fig out time change maybe.
w and i went to walmart to get b-day gifts for s7. Om calls her cell while we walk dowd isle, he has a ringtone. d11 and i went down different isle while she answered it. Met up a little later and i said i wanted to go. She said if it helps i'm mad at him. We did get the gifts.
Going camping this weekend with inlaws. W already has it fig out that d20 and bf get big bed and we each get a twin. I'm not going to let that ruin my day I plan on having fun.
This evening evening i went on a bike ride, when i returned a good song was on the mp3 player so i went in backyard and laid on trampoline. Tree covered half the sky stars in other. is was awsome. Watched planes travel across sky. Then it happened, A Shooting Star crossed the whole sky that I could see with a bright tale. I got goose bumps on my whole body. then guess what i wished for. can't tell or it won't come true.
I'm on the roller coaster pretty down and out depressed, the star brightened my day.
I appreciate all of you guys/gals
Light Switch
Last edited by light switch; 08/10/0705:29 AM.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Good to hear from you. As you said, it could have gone better and it could have gone worse. So it doesn't seem too bad. Sorry you lost out on the bed thing. But you stood your ground. And you made the point of letting her know why you let her win. Because you care about the marriage and you don't want to push her away. You are demonstrating that you care. That is very good. All in all, I think you are handling things very well.
Why is OM so insecure that he has to call all the time?
I really don't know. I'm here he isn't. W denying his request to come here to see her at this time. maybe cause i answered the phone and wasn't afraid of him.
LS: Good move answering the phone and standing up for yourself and what is yours. Also good that you backed down on the bed. Sometimes when we "lose," we actually win. And you are winning here...
I keep thinking about the way he calls so often. This is a very insecure person. What would have happened if you had called her that often over the weekend? My guess is she would have been very angry about being disturbed so much.
I hope she sees the contrast. Keep trying to get to her to agree to Retrouvaille. It's a weekend away for the two of you together.
right after my last post I was deleting something on computer and saw 3 pics in recycle bin, 2 snails and one didnt turn out. I figured she loaded her trip pics and put them on disk. because before she left we argued about taking camera. i agreed if pics where not put on computer. Well guess what? there all on there. I'M so HURT! They arnt bad pics no nudity, it looks like 2 people on vacation, beach, lighthouse, etc... they look happy. I know I shouldnt have looked but she said she wouldnt put them on computer. Now there images are burned in my head. I dont even want to go this weekend w/her but its s7 b-day. I do realize some progress was made since she returned (after pics where taken). Now im torn between bitching at her, deleting, or looking the other way. What would do less damage to our r? Looking the other way.
I just have to keep thinking of positive stuff that happened after she returned. I am so hurt!
I think you need to confront her with your hurt, not anger. Just like you did with the bedroom. She is stepping on your toes and flaunting her affair in your face. That is not right. If someone steps on your toes, you tell them so they will move off. Same thing here. She is not being fair to you when she makes a promise and then is careless about your feelings. And if the pictures are on the family computer, then the children can find them. How will they feel if they open these pictures?
Sara, I havn't confronted her about pics yet, didn't want to ruin the weekend.
Well she just walked up to me and i let her read what you wrote and what i previously wrote. Apperently she deleted them fri before we left to get them off computer. Said she was trying to send them to om. She didnt like the fact im talking to a girl on internet.
Weekend update Strange but true. Left for camping friday after work 2-3 hr drive d11 and her cousin 11 rode with us. I asked w not to sleep so we can talk. she did sleep for only .5hr. We talked about misc stuff and r stuff. I learned more about what lead to this, what she is feeling now, and shared how i felt before this and how i feel now. Overall good stuff. 5mi from campground i told her that i have to refrain from touching her or holding her hand but im still here for you. W thought we would sleep in two twin beds in cabin. kids rearanged and we slept together in a full sive bed. I took the wall so she could feel cieling fan. We talked some more each had seperate blankets. And then she touched my hand that was by my face, I held her hand till we fell asleep. I was rock solid through all of this. The next night we went to bed and she was closer to middle of bed so i slid my arm under her pillow and put my other arm on her waist, but still kept my distance. We might have talked a little that night also. At this campground there was little to no reception on cell phone so i dont think she talked to him much. I guess i did walk in cabin once while she was talking to om. On way home she wanted to sleep and i wouldnt let her again. We talked about misc stuff not r stuff. When i couldnt think of next topic i asked her what she wanted to talk about next.
Overall I believe a good weekend: great time w/kids, good conversations w/inlaws, and i feel beter about w.
After we got home she went for a walk to talk to om and im back in spare room. Prior to this weekend she said she is so torn, i said i am too, why she asked, i said weather to move on or stay and fight for you, the one that is hurting me. In one of our weekend conv. she said she is so confused, I didnt think you had this much fight in you, and when she started this she didnt want to be with me, if she stops now she will still wonder about him. also since she has been back she hasnt had time to think to herself about it, tried last night but fell asleep.
Last night after posting I went out to trampoline to watch shooting stars with d16 d11 s8 and their cousin 11, they where already outthere. we had some laughs, it was great. i put s8 to bed and went to spare room. w was on the phone w om i could here her talking door was shut. half hour later i woke up hearing cousin asking d11 why is your dad sleeping in spare room. in a couple minuites heard d11 knocking on our bedroom door. w must have still been on phone. This morning I went in our room to get clothes and d11 was sleeping w/w. I woke wife and told her what i heard. she said i will have a talk w/d11 today. I feel worthless in this sitch. I get removed from our room and sneek to bed w//out d11 knowing. It just makes you feel like crap.
I really laughed when you said she doesn't like you talking to a woman on the internet. That's just the slightest bit of turnabout!
The weekend does sound good. You are quite the DB pro now. I'm glad she's noticing that you care a lot about your marriage and family. Maybe the feeling will be contagious.
