I really think that your marriage is among the most salvageable on these boards.
Of course everyone goes through highs and lows in these situations. Whether you think it is worth it is another question, and one that only you can answer.
As for the October trip, I would suggest that you just assume she is coming until she tells you otherwise. She's not ready to say yes at this point, so the sooner you ask, the more likely she will say no. Be prepared to go with or without her, right up to the last minute if necessary.
I'm getting off this site for a while. Keep your children first in your heart, and your integrity intact, and you'll do the right thing. Good luck.
