I was on my knees begging...and you know the rest.

[Atlas]

Missing,

That is it my friend. My W bought a car and I acted "as if," even went for a ride in the thing. It makes your life easier, and W will start to look at you diffrently.

[MissingMyHoney]

My previous 24, W came home from work and asked if I had dinner. I said I already did with D. I told her I made some cookies too if she would like to snack on something. W said if I really had dinner since she was skeptical that I did. I told her YES I did and I very much enjoyed it. W put D to bed and came out side while I was watching TV, W said why do I watch men fighting in tights and be entertained (wrestling)? I said since there's nothing on TV but I can change the channel if you would like. W said she aint watching TV with me, I replied that well you dont have to watch it but you can listen to the content.

I changed the channel and put on Bait Cars. A new show about stealing of cars in high crime neighborhoods. W tuned into the program immediately. We watched the entire show and she was ready to go into the bedroom. I came in to get my pillow and sheet. W said 'get out of my house' (being sarcastic) and I told her goodnight.

That gesture didnt offended me since all this time along it was 'My' house and now its 'W's' house which thus changes her perception now. As I told W, whatever is mine is hers, so for her to say so was an accomplishment.

I finished my night by finishing reading the Book of Matthew. I opened the DR book and read step 2. I was puzzled by the goal-setting rules. I aborbed as much as I can then I thought to myself. All the goals I have put into place are long term goals. I never thought of any short term goals. But I normally do these kinds of goals daily without recognizing their importance.

Therefore, I brought the DR book to work and re-read step 2. I do have a notebook I wrote these goals in. They can be accomplished in a week or 2 at the most. This is pretty significant since I am sure most or all can be accomplished. Thanks again Michelle for putting this insight into me.

I look forward for the remaining 24 hours.

[Heimlich]

MH,

You're starting to sound good. Hang in there. The short term goals really do help you stay focused. Let her sarcasm roll off of your back. She's got some anger to get out and you're going to have to take it for a while. Stay strong.

It will get better,
BD

[whatsyourpoint]

Congratulations on beginning to break the cycle.

Your change will be met with skepticism and cynicism for a while.

It makes me remember something about how the brain learns and changes. I may be off a little with some of the numbers, but the general idea is right. Let's say it takes the brain 12 times to repeat new learning and get it ingrained. If you do that with bad learning (habits, routines, etc.), it doesn't just takes another 12 to learn the positive habit or routine. It takes twice as many. You have to unlearn the bad habit or routine before you can learn what you're supposed to. If it takes such discipline for you to intentionally change, imagine what it's like for your W to be going along for the ride.

You're showing her what it takes to get through the pain.

[MissingMyHoney]

Prev 24, D and I went to Wal-mart to get another standing fan since it has been so hot. I remembere W talking about getting some Progresso soup so she can have for lunch. Since I was already there, I picked up a week's worth of Progresso soup for her lunch. While making dinner, W called and asked if we were already home. I said yes, so she said she wanted me to go to Sam's to get her a case of soup. I told her I already bought some so we dont have to rush to go to Sam's and can pick up the case of soup over the weekend.

W came home and was happy I was thinking of her lunch needs. W asked if I had cooked the rice with coconut milk (she has a thing for coconut milk rice). I told her I wasnt aware of not having any more coconut milk but I will pick up some as soon as I go to the store again. W had dinner and was outside folding up clothes she washed. W said she wanted some more underwear and I told her well we can go to VS this weekend (hinting that I will be getting her these undies). I told her I know what size she wears so W said why am I looking at her undies size, I replied so I can buy the right size - she smiled.

W sat outside with me again watching a little bit of TV while I was listening to my PMP course. I am taking a PMP course which I am required to do a 2 hr session every Saturday for 3 months. Last night, I decided to start review since I have been placing this on hold ever since I am going through this situation.

I will be doing my reviews every night since passing this course and exam will enable me to advance my career in the area I really want to be. W saw me doing this and she was surpised at how focus I am. W will start her online school in a few weeks. I will be there to assist her with any questions she has.

Strange enough W asked me if I will be eligible for job rotation this December. I said I dont know but I know for sure it will be next March. I told her I aint going anywhere anytime soon and I really like living in this small city where we currently reside. W replied that all of a sudden I liked this place. I didnt replied and change the topic. I asked her if she felt like a 'baked potato' since its been too hot and she said Yes.

I bid her goodnight and she initially closed the room door for approx 20 mins then I turned off the living room lamp and went to get comfortable on my 'bed'. W reopened the bedroom door and left it opened all night as if inviting me in. I stayed outside and fell asleep.

Looking forward for the next 24.

[MissingMyHoney]

Step 3 of DR - "Asking for what you want may make all the difference in the world." After reading step 3 and coming to this section, I said to myself, "I cant do that!" Nothing worked so far so why should I go and do such. I have done and tried most things and nothing worked, she was pushed away.

Then, I read the very last paragraphs which said to fast forward to Step 4. I had seen small changes happening in the past few days, still there is lots of hostility/tension here. Today, I managed for her to LMAO. I wrote W an email:

H - I was on a 2 hr call, now I got stiff neck.
W - LMAO GOOD FOR U ... U SHOULD A REMAIN THAT WAY...
H - dont let me LOL, it even hurts when I do.

Atleast W is having some sarcasm.

[MissingMyHoney]

It's a brand new day - I feel so alive. Last night was one of the most beautiful evening I had ever since severe marital problems arose.

Before I left work to go and pick up D from daycare, W wrote me an email:

W - Are you going to the grocery store for any reason this evening? If so, can you pick me up some trident chewing gum.
H - Yes, we will. We will be buying a few lottery tickets.
W - Ok.

D and I went home, I cleaned up the kitchen, got the trash ready to be taken out, cooked dinner. I made fried shrimp and fries. D and I had dinner a little late but it was just in time for W arriving home from work.

W looked so beautiful in the outfit she chose to wear to work. W changed her clothes and went into the kitchen to see what I had cooked. W asked if she can have some food and she wont appreciate my telling her to ask her OM to feed her. I replied that she should not be asking me for dinner but to go ahead and serve herself.

I continued by saying that I am her man and I will ensure she has something to eat daily. W didnt rebutted. We all sat down since I also had bought a small chocolate cake for dessert. I served D and I a piece and thereafter W had some dessert.

I was glancing at W while she was eating and at first time she caught me. I hurriedly looked away, then I did it again, that time she caught me. W asked why was I staring at her, I replied because I admire your beauty. W replied well now all of a sudden you are admiring me. I replied because you are beautiful. W smiled and continued eating.

Later, W said why am I into going to movies, why am I into the malls and dining out. I said because I have dedicated my entire weekend to doing these activities and anything else can be reschedule around my weekend. W didnt said anything. I told W if she would like to take a ride to Illinois just for the hell of it - IL is approx 30 mins away to the state line. W didnt answered.

Then, I said if she would like to go to VS this weekend so I can get her some stuff. W didnt responded and I told her D and I dont have to be in the store with her but we can go to the carousel while she shops. It may be possible this happends this weekend.

So far so good. I am doing well today!

[MissingMyHoney]

Prev 24, I wrote W an email asking her if her computer is bluetooth capable. W didnt answered and I went to lunch. While at Sam's, I received a text message stating, "Clown, did you get my emails?" I replied, "I am at Sam's." Texting continues...

W - what did you get me?
H - Something for your lunch.
W - what?
H - I will tell you when you come home.

Then we kept on texting each other until 4 PM. W still sent emails all afternoon, I kept on texting her while W was on lunch break. Eventhough, I could have called. I decided to text instead. W had fun with many sarcasms she was telling me and I was resonding in the manner she wanted to hear.

Later, I received an email from W and she said that if I dont have text messaging on my cell phone plan then each text message will cost .15 to send. I said that isnt a problem.

W came home from work and we all had dinner together. I bought some new work pants that I asked if W can alter them for me. At first, she didnt wanted to but later she did. Coincidentally, W bought some new work pants too. W sat outside with me for a long time (approx 3 hrs) while taking care of the new clothing and altering them. W was speaking to her sister on the phone and bought up an interesting topic.

W said the reason why she dont socialize with her siblings is that whenever they party they tend to get rowdy so she would lock herself up in her room or go somewhere. Now, I remembered those events that she used to come and spend an overnight or a weekend with me whenever her siblings were having a party and I gladly accomodated her.

This also reminds me that whenever I used to drink beer she would get upset and lock herself up in the bedroom. I completely forgot about these events. But I am happy she spoke of these events so I know for sure that is the main reason for our problems. I should have not done this to her when W experienced the same events all during her life.

I now fully understand that these kinds of events drive her in a black hole that only she can understand. W need help and I turned my back against her driving her deeper and deeper into this black hole.

In all, W asked if I can get her some more work clothes and I said YES. W said just transfer the money to her bank account and she will go get a few more work pants. I told her I transfered some money and she said she deserved more. I said yes you do and you do deserve a lot more. But I also told her we can go to VS this weekend and I am okay with that. But for now, lets not overspend and get whatever you can with what I transfered to you.

W was okay with it and she asked if we can go to the zoo this weekend and take D. I said I would be happy to go. So, I have a date this weekend. Aww - the love!!! I am so excited I cannot wait.

While W was altering the pants, we were teasing each other. I told W I feel like having something sweet and tasty. W said "well, I am sweet and tasty but you refused to have me and you want to go out there and get some." I said, we I WANT you now but she's being difficult. In all, we are starting to court all over again little by little.

I am not rushing anything (PATIENCE) and if she takes the lead on any topic, I simply follows and listen keenly. W said she knows I have been admiring her too often. I simply smiled. I bid her goodnight and I went to bed.

Looking forward for the remainder of this 24.

[MissingMyHoney]

Today is such a beautiful day in my life, I am attracting W life magnet to steel. By the convos and texts were have been doing today, it seems like I am beginning to court W all over again - what a luxury to have small steps in the R and pointing into the right direction.

W even took my call during her breaks and lunch break - WOW - that's a first. W bought me a new pair of tennis shoe today, Im excited. W asked why my dad is in the hospital, why would she care if she disliked me? But W is coming around slowly and admires the little changes I have made and the long term goals I have set for myself.

A word of advice, anyone who was drinking alcohol before and now have abstained, in order to GAL, DONT go to places that sells alcohol, you will definately relapse and it will hinder your R process.

I will update you all on this weekend's events. Be good, be patient, pray and good luck!

[MissingMyHoney]

My weekend was the BEST weekend I ever experienced in a very long time. It started by W texting & emailing me all Friday afternoon. WOW, that was some points I scored. D and I went to dinner and brought W dinner and had it ready for when she got home. W was tired so we chatted for a while and W took a few movies and went into the bedroom to watch them. I was a little disappointed in that but in the end I was happy since W did not spend the entire Friday night talking to EA on the cell phone rather she watched two movies and went to bed.

W got up since I had a doctors appt on Saturday and when I returned home, W had already made breakfast. We had a late breakfast and we all sat down together and ate as a family. W and I took D to the mall again and since it was too hot we returned home to relax and cool off. But I bought W some more work pants and she got a few tops and was modelling for me. W looked so cute in her new work clothes and I told her I really liked them since she looked so beautiful in them.

On Sunday, I went to church and came home immediately. Again W questioned if I really went to church, I told her where else would I be going at 8:30 AM. W said I would be going to the stores - wth! I held my peace. W had breakfast ready again and we ate. I asked if we all were going to the movies and she said Yes. Later, she said she was a little tired so we cancelled the movies.

Rather, W took five movies into the bedroom and watched a few of them. This was cool since she didnt called EA at all. Not Friday, not Saturday and even if she did it was probably very brief. I noticed that W seldom used her cell phone over the entire weekend. But W did mentioned to me something very interesting that she is still annoyed about it.

To make a long story short, W said I should have supported her financially while she was going to do an 18 month nursing program. I didnt refused but W didnt wanted to burden me with her bills. I will need to verify her exact answer since most of the time we communicate via emails when I am at work. W seldoms calls me to 'bother' me.

Nonetheless, we had one of the most enjoyable weekend and I did mentioned to W that I am planning a trip to Chicago for labor day weekend and she's welcome to join. Even if she dont want to go, I will still go.

I dont know where all this is going but it is going somewhere.

More updates later...