Here is why...I think it is VITAL to the workings and "continued" workings of a M to have open and honest communication...sometimes that needs to be held for the right time but it still needs to be cleared...guilt is something that no one should be "forced" to live with and yet some can't seem to come clean even though they WANT to...it is easier if they are "caught" and usually make it easy at some point...
bar...you say that you would never tell, never trust in the same way, and be ever watchful of the danger signals...
My comment to that is what IF you were wrong and had all the wrong signals???...to never trust in the same way and to be "ever watchful" doesn't sound like a good time M to me...
I was lied to, cheated on, abandoned...but with OPEN HONEST COMMUNICATION I can say that I do trust my H...I am not so stupid to think it could NEVER happen again but I am not being "ever watchful"...if I had to live like that in my M then I would know there wasn't forgiveness...and without that there is only misery to be had...and life is much to short for me to be miserable, hold back from my M, and subject H to the same...I deserve better and so does he...
I truly believe that you need to have the truth...I don't think you need to tell ALL...I had GPS tracking on my H's phone when he left because I didn't know where he went or what was up...He will never know I did that (he thinks I hired a PI because I worked in the industry and had access to information)...but I did talk to him about what I KNEW, FOUND, and NEEDED to know...
impatient...it sounds like you are moving cautiously and carefully...that is good...it is best to find the time that you are ready...amnesty is a great tool to use...but remember this...you can't MAKE him come clean...it is still a matter of his wanting to or needing to...with my H he denied...but then with my tenacity came a point that he couldn't deny the evidence that I had collected...yes, some was by snooping...and some was just left out for me to find!
what bar is doing may be right for her...I know what I did is right for me...you have to choose your path...and what you can live with...personally, I like being able to talk to my H when something comes up that bothers me...like the email address he uses...it brings back memories...I finally shared this with him and he understands...he volunteered to change it so that I wasn't faced with that reminder all the time...baby steps...honesty...open communication...that is what my rebuilding of my M is based on...
