It's probably just a matter of semantics. It's impossible to avoid a degree of fusion even in the most casual human relationships but just being able to recognize it is the first critical step to minimizing it. Then you can ask yourself "Why am I letting this person's behavior or emotional state effect my behavior or emotional state in a negative manner?" For instance, I had the thought the other day "NG is the coolest guy I ever dated. I will be so bummed out if we break-up." and immediately I recognized it as a fused thought and made the effort to work my way through it by thinking about what personal inadequacies I possess or imagine I possess that would make me feel dependent on a continuing relationship with NG in order to not be "bummed out" and I realized that I wanted to "borrow" some of his "semi-fame" in an artistic field and his extensive social network by being in a relationship with him. That's why I perceived him as being "cool." So, clearly I need to work more on my own creative expression and building a better social network. Really, any other thought about what you might "need" from a particular relationship for your own emotional well-being can be worked through in this manner. Even issues involving sex or other interactions for which you "need" another person's involvement can be resolved as long as you don't limit your dependency to a particular person. Even deep multi-layered psychologically rooted fused thoughts like "I only want to have sex with my husband because he is the father of my children." can eventually be unknotted. Trust me on this one.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
