You have a lot on at the moment and must think you are losing everything. You must focus on yourself and what you have to do to salvage as much of the work situation as possible. As for your W you cannot control her actions or her thoughts. You cannot tell her what she should/ought to do. Right now she only cares about herself and her situation. By confronting her and telling her what to do you are driving her away even more.
I would suggest you back off and let her get on with her own thought processes. Show her by your actions that you are getting on with what you have to do, with or without her. Of course you have to draw boundaries, especially if there are children, but never demand, insist or give ultimatums. Keep it civil, friendly even, for your own sake as well as the kids.
If she says she is moving out do not over react but calmly ask when because you have scheduled other committments.
