Do not tell him under any circumstances. He calls the shots, he inflicts pain, he deceives and plots and plans behind your back and what do you got? You are not in any position yet to reveal your hand. Would you tell him that you have a range of strategies in place to save your R? That what you are doing is part of your ultimate goal? What is your ultimate goal here? Will it bring him any closer to you at this point? So he might confirm what you already know - big deal. Will he call you a sneak and a deceiver? Big deal - what is he? Some say don't snoop because it affects your PMA. That's true but I have found that some knowledge empowers me; eg I know that my H is utterly confused and frightened to death; our situation is that he has so much to lose. Even if we reconciled and lived happily ever after I WOULD NOT EVER TELL HIM. I would never be able to trust him in the same way again and I would be ever watchful of the danger signals. It's part of the pain we have to live with; don't make it easy for him; don't give him anything on a plate. Keep a cool head and let him blunder on. Do the opposite: don't react and act as if everything's fine.
