Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

Well we have company at the house this weekend it came in the form of my FIL. Nice man, but a bit antisocial, as per usual routine, once my W. family comes to visit which is about 2 times a year I get the icy chill. Any sort of warmth is gone, the opportunity to talk does not exist while we have visitors.

Don't really know how I feel today, I took a walk last night with my S. and W. it was nice but I have to do all of the work in making a connection. I am pretty sure now since it has been two days of the same type of behavior from my W. that I am going to alter my behavior.

Let me explain, for the past week and a half I have been complimentary, (not just to be so but when it was warrented). I have been affectionate and it seemed to be going better. Some open communication, at least more than we have had for a while. The last couple of days ever since see admitted that she is stressing again she has withdrawn from what has become my normal self. Since the lack of return or if it is returned it feels forced, I think a new goal is in order.

I will continue to be supportive and bust my butt on the house since she has lost a lot of her ability to do things she use to do. Probably due to stress! But I don't think other than listening and offering cordial greetings and salutions, I am going to continue the way I have been. Difficult to do but I will let her make the contact, I do not know if this is the best measure since at times it seems we get closer with affection, but for my own sanity I think this is the best course of action right now.

It is so weird the last few days she has withdrawn again. Of course I did not help matters a few nights ago, but like most of us when we feel mistreated I believe it is necessary to notify the other about boundries. For instance I have made it clear that I do not approve and have an issue with the late night personal conversations about our R. with her friend. I know many of us wait out the OP relationship and I am not saying I won't wait it out also. However, I am not going to let things happen without calmy indicating how I feel about it.

I remember my W. once told me, that I was one of the few people who would not put up with her crap. She never felt like she could railroad me or that I would lay down when I felt a certain way. Therefore despite my lack of footing in this R. I will not give that part up. I think it is important that while we change our behavior some of the core qualities still remain the same. At least the ones that are not "bad"!

Happy Friday to all!