was just catching up and reading and was going to post about my day
today sucked. nothing more, nothing less
i completely blew my db'ing, LRT efforts. I ran down way to many cheeseless tunnels today.
I am actually to tired to get into it tonight, and still trying to process it all. Need to get the kids in bed, I am exhausted as today was emotionally draining.
Basically H and I got into many long texts back and forth, where he said things like he loves his OW very much, that they have a bond different then ours, etc. He said that I will look back at this some time and know that this was the right thing. I told him that it is never the right thing to have children live between two households. He said that the kids deserve to have two happy parents, and I told him, great, but right now they only have one. (not me). told him that divorce is only the answer when there is abuse or serious fighting, and we had neither, just discontent. discontent can be worked through. he said that it correct, but that he would never been able to do it wholeheartedly and that it would not have worked anyways. with the ow or not. told me that i need to stop focusing on the ow and making this between her or I. I told him, I dont that it has always been about him and i, but that he has made it very clear that the ow comes with him, and i have to deal with that, that he brings up the ow, not me. i did not get anymore texts after that.
before all that, i stupidly professed my love, and that I will always love, and blah, blah, blah. I was never needy or desperate (i dont think) and he actually responded somewhat decently to it. But today just basically reminded me that he is so very deep in the fog, and I just really am kind of freaking out that he will never get out of it.
I really need to focus on GAL more and stop trying to do the right move to get him back. I need to be able to get through just ONE day without thinking about him. I know once I can do that, I will be able to start to heal.
i know i said i wasn't going to go into it, but once i started typing....
lol.
anyways i am exhausted, going to try to get the kids in bed, its late.
