Cali, Have you thought about checking into a separate maintenance agreement. That way he would have to pay child support and help with bills. Also you can get a restraining order saying that no marital assets can be sold off. This would protect you without having to file for divorce. I too waited to let my H file for D. I wanted this on his conscience. In answer to complaint my lawyer requested that he pay my attorney fees. I guess this is the way it is usually done when other party is at fault. I'm totally in the dark when it comes to things like this. Luckily, when he left our checking was comfortable and he paid me some money up until May. I haven't seen a dime since him since then, but checking is still okay. I'm working on separate maintenance now. When I got the form I filled it out, but waited to send it in where I could have father and step-mother look at it. Good thing I waited I overlooked a lot of expenses and underestimated some. Now I've just got to finish the corrections and get it in. Maybe the family services could help you look into this.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
not really sure what a maintenance agreement is, but i will ask when i go in on thursday. he really does not have the money for an attorney, nor do i. if we end up getting an attorney he would have to ask his mom for the money.
in order for me to stay home with the kids and only work part time, we were pay check to pay check, and now with having an added expense of him renting a room it doesn't help.
luckily we have no debt whatsoever, nor do we have assets other then two vehicles. we have no car payments, no mortgage, no credit card bills. so really the only thing that would be an issue when it comes to actually having to file a divorce would be the children.
i think tomorrow i am going to give him a heads up and let him know that i plan on getting those two bits of paperwork underway, we had talked about it before. i guess i will see how he reacts to it tomorrow. if he asks me why i just dont file divorce also (which i think he may) i am just going to state i am not ready for that.
A separate maintenance agreement is the amount of money that you are now paying monthly, such as mortgage, insurance, food, gas, etc. Your H would have to help you pay these bills. He may be helping you now, but who knows if this will continue. This would be a legal agreement.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
well basically we came to an agreement for the amount he is going to pay, and for now it covers the house bills, less the amount of money i make part time. as per the lawyer if i can get him to agree to this full amount which is more then he should be paying as child support then it is best for me. as child support is not taxable income.
I would like everyone's opinion on this from today.
First of all, I know what I did today is against DB and may be seen as pursuing, but I just can not see any happiness in H and just wanted to see where he was in his thinking.
We were texting back and forth about the arrangement with the kids, who picks up, drop off etc.
I asked him, can i ask you a question? H: yes M: Do you ever miss us? H: (after ten minutes) ...not as of yet M: Thanks for your honesty.
I honestly dont think he is being honest with me or even himself, I can see in him that he does miss us, he is just still scared of going back to the way things were. but i wanted him to hear that i trust him, and believe his feelings.
i am reading what he replied, that he either a. just does not want to admit it to me. or b. does, not yet, but is still on the fence, and hopes that it will come sooner or later.
either way, is this a positive? i know not to read to much into it, and i know this tells me he is not ready to even consider R or M talk, but it makes me think he is thinking about things?
I think its "a" and "b", he doesn't know what he wants, but does miss you. He doesn't want to admit it, and probably felt cornered by the question. Our spouses don't want to admit things to themselves, much less to the people they care about. I have physically seen my H squirm when I used to ask him those type of questions.
While you know it was non DB, I think you ended it positively with what you said. Good job!
was just catching up and reading and was going to post about my day
today sucked. nothing more, nothing less
i completely blew my db'ing, LRT efforts. I ran down way to many cheeseless tunnels today.
I am actually to tired to get into it tonight, and still trying to process it all. Need to get the kids in bed, I am exhausted as today was emotionally draining.
Basically H and I got into many long texts back and forth, where he said things like he loves his OW very much, that they have a bond different then ours, etc. He said that I will look back at this some time and know that this was the right thing. I told him that it is never the right thing to have children live between two households. He said that the kids deserve to have two happy parents, and I told him, great, but right now they only have one. (not me). told him that divorce is only the answer when there is abuse or serious fighting, and we had neither, just discontent. discontent can be worked through. he said that it correct, but that he would never been able to do it wholeheartedly and that it would not have worked anyways. with the ow or not. told me that i need to stop focusing on the ow and making this between her or I. I told him, I dont that it has always been about him and i, but that he has made it very clear that the ow comes with him, and i have to deal with that, that he brings up the ow, not me. i did not get anymore texts after that.
before all that, i stupidly professed my love, and that I will always love, and blah, blah, blah. I was never needy or desperate (i dont think) and he actually responded somewhat decently to it. But today just basically reminded me that he is so very deep in the fog, and I just really am kind of freaking out that he will never get out of it.
I really need to focus on GAL more and stop trying to do the right move to get him back. I need to be able to get through just ONE day without thinking about him. I know once I can do that, I will be able to start to heal.
i know i said i wasn't going to go into it, but once i started typing....
lol.
anyways i am exhausted, going to try to get the kids in bed, its late.
