Maybe it wasn't posted until sometime after I did my search - I like to think I'm a pretty good Googler!!!
Now that you've found a link where it's actually been posted, I guess it's OK for me to just go one further now and copy it here without fear of winding up behind bars for copyright infringement! (Keeps fingers crossed)...
****
Family
Good Spousekeeping
A Fine Mess By Dave Meurer
"How does this outfit look on me?" my wife, Dale, asked as I was heading for the shower one morning.
"It looks functionally adequate and at least it gives you some protection from the elements," I replied. "The colors may be a bit mismatched and the shoes are almost comically wrong, but you can just tell all the other women that you have a severe vision impairment, so they may show you some sympathy."
At least, that is what she heard.
What I actually said was, "It looks fine."
I had forgotten, yet again, that my wife and I have completely different understandings of the word "fine."
To me, "fine" is a perfectly fine word.
When I was in high school and I said to another guy, "Man, that is one fine machine you are driving," it was considered a compliment of the highest order.
For Dale, "fine" is something the court imposes on people who violate a municipal ordinance.
By the time I got out of the shower, she had completely changed her outfit, including her earrings, purse, necklace, shoes and perhaps even her key chain.
"But you looked great in those other clothes," I said.
However, it was too late. The forbidden word had already been uttered and the offending garments had been banished to the darkest corner of the closet.
When my wife asks how an outfit looks, she is really asking: "Do I still appeal to you? If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you still marry me?"
Like most women, Dale thrives on affirmation and reassurance. They don't just need it from their husbands, either. Observe the way female friends greet each other.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I visited longtime friends we hadn't seen in a year. The minute we walked in, Becky gave Dale a hug and said: "Look at those earrings, and I love what you've done with your hair!"
My wife replied: "Those are the cutest shoes!"
For the record, I did not feel compelled to tell Scott his shirt was adorable. And he did not gush that my hairstyle made me look perky. Women are different and we have to keep reminding ourselves of that or we will botch it.
When a woman takes the emotional risk of asking her spouse to comment on her attractiveness, pity the dolt of a man who shrugs and replies, "You look fine."
Because I don't think like Dale, I have to keep practicing the habit of seeing life from the perspective of my mate. But that is also true of her. Because my wife is not a guy, she can sometimes be oblivious to what I am really thinking and feeling.
One day I gave Dale a big hug and said, "My love, can I interest you in a romantic interlude beneath the sheets?"
"Well, that would actually rank on my list somewhere between a tax audit and frostbite," she replied. "Why would I want to make love with you when I could go work on a craft project with one of my girlfriends?"
At least, that is what I heard.
What she actually said was, "Oh hon, I already promised Jeanette I would help her tonight with her daughter's wedding decorations."
Anytime a woman has to decline her husband's romantic overture, it is vital that the answer is not perceived as just "no," but rather "I can't right now but how about (pick a time that will work—soon)." Women aren't the only ones who need affirmation. Guys just need it in a different way.
Although we have been married for more than 25 years, my wife and I are still learning to communicate. We have found that it helps a lot to try to see things through the eyes of each other.
If you really work at it, everything will probably work out fine.
I mean, great!
Dave Meurer is our award-winning humorist and the author of Mistake It Like a Man (Multnomah). Visit him online at davemeurer.net
