I have to share something with you. I got in from work today and took my shower, etc. and was feeling pretty bad...physically, but still good otherwise. I took a short nap and got up to check on my messages here.........then it suddenly dawned on me......this is the first day that not one thought of the OM even entered my mind until I started reading some old stuff! Can you believe it? Not once today did I think of him! There has got to be some advantages of working yourself to death...lol. But, seriously, it didn't stop my mind from wandering around before. I am so excited to know that the Lord is helping my unworthy self out of this "hell" I have caused. I am also very thankful for something else....back when the OM and I was plotting a "meet face-to-face"? (Doesn't that sound so pretty and cleaned up?) This would have been around the time we were looking at doing it. But instead....I feel like a had a spiritual reunion or revival with the Lord. This may be hard for some non-christian folks to hear....but....I don't care....it is just the way it is and I'm not backing down from it. You see, I know that a lot of people have been praying hard for me and my family....I have "felt" the prayers, but most of all I have seen the "results" so quickly! Which makes me think the devil is saving up more spit to come back and hit me harder, so don't stop the prayers!
When I chose the nickname of sandi2 I did not think about my favorite Christian music singer at that particular time, because I didn't want to think about anyone that was in those "circles"....lol. But, Sandi Patty is my all time favorite. She can just get about one bar belted out and I am crying like a baby. Anyway, I thought something must have happened in her life a few years ago, because she was at the top and suddenly....I never heard about her anymore. I wondered if she might have been in bad health or something, but nobody ever mentioned her name on the Christian TV chanels. After I had found this board and was reading everyone's threads, I was also reading DR and other books. Anyway, I was in our Christian bookstore....and before I walked in the door, I just whispered a prayer and I told God that He knew what I needed to read and to please help me to find it. Well, I found a couple of other books, but what I am getting around to is I found a book written by Sandi Patty. It is called "Falling Forward" and it would help the WAS to read it. You see, I found out right off the first few pages that she (the great Christian singer) had had an affair and her M had broken up....the family was broken, etc. She had written more about that experience in another book, but I couldn't find it...yet. In this book, she tells how the Lord will use you when you get your heart right with Him. She wrote about her own weaknesses and battles with low self-esteem, etc. But you see, it soothed my hurting soul so much. After church Wednesday night I thought about Sandi Patty and I how much God has used her...even after her "fall" He still forgave her and is stll using her to bless others with her beautiful voice and now her books.
I want to heal as fast as I can. I want my family to heal as fast as they can, also. But, I also realize that everyone is different and special and the time frame is different for each one. I will tell anyone that knows my story that I have not been on here long...but it feels like years! I don't have to tell you who have stood by me and helped when I would send out those pleas for help in times of struggle, that it has not been easy. SSome of the things that were told to me, I had to kind of put on the "back burner" to use or roll over in my mind....when I could cut through a little more of the "fog". I'm still not "fixed" and hope I am alert at all times to watch out for the "tempter", cause I know he's going to come calling when I feel my weekest or least expect anything to pop up. But.....I am forgiven, and loved, and I know I will work in the church again....which was always my life before the OM/EA.
Wow, here I go again writing a "book". But, I am encouraged.....and it has been sooooo long since I have felt that. And, yes, thank the Lord that it was "just the fibromyalgia"....lol.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
