Am I seperated? Looking for support/advice...

[whatsyourpoint]

If I did something consciously horrible to my H, I would think I deserve and/or should expect this kind of treatment. But I have always loved, respected and honored him and our marriage. Yes, I am completely at fault for not acknowledging issues in our relationship, not cleaning up after myself, allowing the passion in our sex life to fade, etc. But my point of view is that you wake up from the fog, realize these things are problems and you work on them because you have a commitment in marriage. The 1st instict should not be to runaway. If we were to try to work on these things together and either of us felt at that point that things were just not the way that we want them to be - then OK - I could understand that - we could both agree to walk away with our heads held high knowing that we gave it our full effort. But for him to sit there and say he doesn't think we can work on anything - I just don't get. I am having a really frustrating day!!

I can't tell you how many of these sort of thoughts occurred to me. My wife felt like she did for about three years (actually on a couple things for about eight) before I confronted her on what was happening or not happening in our R. That's an awfully long time to keep such secrets from the person it relates to most. And, when you, the LBS, finally wakes up, there arises such a sense of resentment - "Oh, NOW you want to do something about it?!!?" that they connect more with that long-standing pain than they do with us. Your H likely didn't wake up one morning thinking and feeling as he does, so you can't expect him to let go of that hurt so easily.

I can't tell you how heartbroken I was that my wife had withdrawn from me even after she identified herself as a WAS, read most of DR, and had a sense of the road we are on. But, I realized that she has to find the path herself, though I am certainly leaving out bread crumbs.

As hard as it seems to do, ignore his comments about being unable to work on anything. He could just as easily say something mildly positive tomorrow and present a bleaker picture the next day.

Keep your chin up!!!