I figured it had Gay in it. I am homophobic so...jk, no, not jk.
What's happening, in any mood to share?
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
H is leaving. I feel sick, angry, so sad. I need something from my friends here. Please help me.
I had a C session today and asked H to come along. During the session, he said he had decided he wanted to separate. In the past, he has said he was thinking about it or leaning toward it, but today was the first time he sounded definite.
On the way home, he told me he had committed to the condo that's for rent (the one he mentioned a couple of weeks ago). Actually, I guessed it and he did not deny it. He made the decision 2 weeks ago, but has been afraid to tell me. Big old scary me.
I break down every time I think of the kids. I don't want to have to tell them this. I feel just awful.
OK, so he is separating. A lot of us are physcially separated. It does not mean it is over. Is there anything else that came out of the session that would lead you to believe this is anything other than him wanting space?
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
It isn't over, but I know it is hard. Been there done that. Think of it this way (because it could very wel be true) - a separation may just be (and probably is) a necessary step for your H on his journey. Where that journey ends is not determined today. It just isn't. And he probably knows that he doesn't know where his journey will lead, even if he is saying he is sure the M is over. But what he does know is that he needs more time and space, and you know you have to give it to him for their to be any chance of reconciliation, and for him to heal himself.
Hugs, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
IK, CVA, Nomo- Thanks so much for your encouraging words.
Looking for positives is hard right now, but at least it's a month-to-month lease. Also, during the C sesh, he said he did not want a D. I have so many emotions swirling through me right now, that it's hard to think straight. I don't think I handled this news in the way that I would have wanted to. I was angry first and I think that clouded my reactions.
I am going to take the afternoon off and go somewhere alone, let H pick up and deal w/the kids. I don't think I can be together with everyone tonight.
How did you tell your kids that you/your S was moving out?
NA Basically what I said was that "daddy needed to go work on himself and that everything would be OK".
That's pretty much it. Other than when they ask "where did you / do you slee?" I just say I am very close and not to worry.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I have a very very very detailed journal entry on how W and I told our kids. You can't find it cause my old threads are locked now, but I can email it to you if you'd like. You can see what we told our kids and it was based on lots of research by me and talking to a Child Psychologist. Warning: it will most likely bring you to tears to hear how my kids reacted. Normal, I think, but still hard/sad. Let me know if you want it. Also, note my kids are 7 and 4, so not sure what your 1.5 year old would hear/retain/etc.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
CVA- How did they react? You travel alot for work, right? So did you tell them that you were moving out right away or did you phase it in?
Hey Nomo- I would love to read what you wrote. I will send an email to the address in your profile, if that's ok. I don't want to post my email address here. Thanks.
During the C sesh today we talked alot about the effect on the kids. H seems to think that they'll be fine if we handle it right. I think he's just simplifying things for his own peace of mind. He thinks he'll still be just as involved w/the kids, will help me out, etc. I told him that I thought that I would have to deal with the fallout. C basically agreed and told us that it is usually the parent who stays in the house w/the kids who gets the brunt of the fallout. She explained how to kids, their routine keep them feeling secure, and how these changes will be hard on them. She told us to expect them to say heartbreaking things.
I guess I'll try to end my post on a positive note. I should be proud of myself for handling my anger post-C sesh. Instead of hitting H in the head w/ a frying pan, I took a long walk. It's an absolutely beautiful day, so I put on my walking shoes, popped on the ipod, played only UPBEAT music and walked to a great hiking area about 5 minutes from my house. I need to do that more often.
I also wanted to post this yesterday, but didn't get a chance. It's a quote that I found on one of the "success story" threads that I've been reading.
Attitude
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is to play the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you....We are in charge of our attitudes.
