What DB or other goals have you met during this time of separation?
I lost my list but I think one was to take my kids to Disneyland as a single mom. I do not want to be a single mom, no way, but if that is what I am then I do not want my kids to miss out on those happy memories. Well, we are back! I did it and I am so proud of myself. I cheated a little because my mom came along when she heard I was going alone! Thanks to Mom! I cried every night in the shower after putting the kids in bed at the hotel.
One dreadful moment though...We had a Princess Lunch and my mom blurted how my H's new girlfriend looks just like Belle! How can I compete with Beauty and the Beast? I have never seen the OW, my H just confessed having an OW last week!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
We had a Princess Lunch and my mom blurted how my H's new girlfriend looks just like Belle!
As in cartoonish and two-dimensional with a vacant stare? Nice...
(Why do mothers say such things?? Your mom sounds like a clone of mine)
Anyway - that's wonderful about taking the kids to Disney! That's a huge step and those are memories you and your kids will always have. Life is so short and kids grow up so quickly...gotta enjoy every opportunity you get.
Great question about goals. Getting focused and setting concrete goals has always been a challenge for me, so thanks for the nudge.
Goals met (or in the process): - Reaching out to nurture old friendships and develop new ones - Taking better care of my health (proper exercise, diet, sleep)
...and... that's about it. (Of course, it's only been a month or so.)
My next goal is to finish updating my portfolio and pursue more freelance work, or better full-time work. And to continue GAL and my 180.
I need to start rethinking/resetting goals. I have met several in the past few months...and I understand about disneyland, which is impressive. I was pretty happy with myself for finally braving the science museum with all 3 on my own a couple of months ago! that was huge for me. Its easy to feel outnumbered, but I'm not letting myself anymore. since the science museum, I braved lots of places on my own with the kids...even the pool, which is huge. normally I'd wait until h or a friend could be there, or else I'd relegate them to the kids pool.
some things I've done just for me is to really try to GAL. I've reached out to friends I've let drift away, I've pursued some new friendships. I've made an effort to get myself and the kids out of the house more. I also made a list at the beginning of summer of things I like to do in the summer and have been doing a lot of them. I could see how summer could easily slip away while I'm busy being sad that H isn't here to do these things with me/us. I'm happy to say I didn't let that happen, and am going to start my fall list soon.
for H and I, I've tried to really change how I react to him...I may still get upset at stuff (obvious if you read my posts), but I try not to let that show...I try to think more before responding to him when he is obviously working hard at button pushing. I've stopped, for the most part, all R talk. I've stopped, for the most part, all snooping. and I've continued to make the changes that we originally talked about when the bomb first hit. our mc had us each make a list of things we needed from each other in order to work on the marriage. 90% of what was on his list were things I wanted to change about myself, so I've embraced them and have moved forward with them, even though H has yet to do anything on my list (mostly revolving around letting ow go).
there is still a lot of room for improvement, but I'm working on it. will start thinking of my goals again and laying new ones for myself.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
One Goal that has been extremely difficult is to not rally the troops. I am not sure how do this and keep my support group. I keep hearing non DBing messages from my friends and family.
I want to remain zen and be a better listener. I kept having zen moments in the crowds at Disneyland. I would look around and see all the faces and think that they would empathize with my situation. They would see that what has happened is not all my fault and that many people has suffered through this situation with their own spouse and parents. That was a big step for me because before I would see families and fathers in crowds and just cry thinking why are they happy and we are miserable. Now I see people that I can connect with instead.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Wow. Your intial post made me want to cry. What a stinging comment from your mom. I hope it was a slip of the tongue and nothing more.
I work on my goals daily as they have been more of the identify my issues type of goals. One thing I have accomplished it to be laughing more. Easier than I thought and carries over into over aspects of my life.
Laughter is also a goal for me. I rented EXTRAS on Netflix. So funny. I also challenge my kids to Tickle Fights. Laughing will keep us younger and it is also very attractive. Who cares if no one is there to hear it. It keeps us human and lovable. No matter how glum I feel, I try to make a joke to take away the sting. I know in the beginning my H was hugely attracted to me because I laughed at all his jokes. After the wedding the laughter died big time. He still jokes about that. We came home from the honeymoon and I stopped laughing at him. He's right!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
