A man left his wife even though they had a good marriage because she was very calm and he wanted to have more emotional effect upon her.

I'll tell my XH about this theory of yours and I am sure it will get a laugh from him! Emotional and passionate are definitely part of how he would describe me I think.

Clearly the problem was the husband's "need to be needed." Maybe that was your H's problem.

Definitely not. Sometimes he even thought I was too needy. (I don't think I was. I have my weak times but I don't think that makes me weak.)

As much as people hate this term my XH really did have a MLC. I read through a book called "Middle Passages" by Jungian psychologist James Hollis which explained that EVERYONE goes through middle passages. It is the time where people have to start facing their shadows and many of their coping skills for those shadows start to fail them. EVERYONE has shadows because it is a natural part of child development. He also has another more recent book called "Why Good People do Bad Things" which discusses the same issues too. REALLY REALLY great books with so much relevant information for EVERYONE. I cannot recommend them enough. Anyway midlife crisis tends to happen when dealing with your shadows is just too hard. Considering my XH also had issues with shame he was really in no place to deal with everything. And I was in no place to help because on the outside here's this funny, smart, talented great guy and I had no idea of the core issues he was dealing with.

I was unhappy with my H's unhappiness/depression/anhedonia but that was because it manifested itself in tangible ways that made him a poor marital partner.

I hate to ask this question but did you really even like your 2bx?? Did you have much in common?

My XH and I would spend hours sitting outside in the spring, summer and fall (and warm winter evenings) drinking wine (and occasionally smoking cigars) and talking and planning. We were best of friends and had so much fun so much of our marriage. Cooking together, kayaking, hiking, buying wine:), planning trips, etc. People were so surprised when it happened. My brother's wife said it made her nervous about her marriage because she thought we were so happy and good together so it seemed that divorce could happen randomly. THIS after her parents had divorced.

Anyway I just don't get the sense from you that you and 2bx were really compatible.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus