Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Nomopo]

Hope it's ok to hijack a little Will. These were goals I set in late June. I need to re-visit and revise them, but it could get the ball rolling for someone.

Relationship Goals
Long-term
1. We stay married.
2. We work together to build the relationship/marriage that we both want and deserve.
3. My wife acknowledges that her emotional affair was wrong and that it hurt me.
4. My wife takes steps to regain my trust and to remove OM from our lives.
5. We discuss our relationship in a healthy way.

Mid-Term (by January 2008?)
1. Our separation ends.
2. We will do something (dinner, movie, whatever) without the kids.
3. My wife decides to work on our marriage.
4. My wife shows me some physical affection (e.g., hold hands, hug, kiss, arm around me). (This has happened a little - hugs, touch.)
5. We make future plans together (e.g., a family or couples trip).
6. My wife confides in me about something important to her (e.g., work or family issue). (This has happened at least twice.)

Short-Term (One to Two Weeks)
1. My wife checks in with me to see how I am doing. (Happened once.)
2. My wife acknowledges there were some positives between us. (Happened in C once.)
3. My wife goes to dinner or does something with me and the kids. (Has happened several times.)
4. My wife invites me to do things with her and the kids (e.g., dinner or play time). (Has happened.)
5. I reduce to the requisite minimum emails/calls to my wife (saving issues for a good time). (Has happened.)
6. My wife initiates conversations with me. (Has happened.)
7. My wife says something positive to me. (Has happened.)
8. We discuss differences/problems/issues in a healthy way.

Personal Goals
Long-Term
1. I detach emotionally from my wife and my marriage (meaning I take responsibility for, and accept that I alone am responsible for, my happiness and life). (Complete.)
2. I focus on me and my behavior/choices/actions (meaning I accept that I am not my responsible for improving someone else's behavior). (Substantial progress.)
3. I seize this opportunity to make my life into the life I want. (In progress.)
4. Given that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, I focus on the good in, and the strengths of, the people in my life. (Substantial progress.)
5. I recognize and accept that different does not equal wrong. (Complete.)
Short-Term
1. I continue to exercise and eat right. (In progress.)
2. I lose 20 more lbs and further define my ripped six pack . (In progress.)
3. I become more productive at work, billing at least 175 hours/month. (Needs work.)
4. I re-connect with clients by taking at least two to an activity (lunch?) a month. (Ongoing.)
5. I develop new clients by inviting at least two prospects to an activity a month. (Not met.)
6. I Get a Life by accepting invitations to socialize, planning weekend trips, and attending concerts, shows and movies. (Substantial progress.)
7. I re-connect with old friends, by touching base with at least one old friend a week.
8. I (re-)read Steps 6 and 7 and Part III of Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting. (Complete.)
9. I finish reading the Five Love Languages and identify mine, my wife's and my kids' primary love languages; I brainstorm ideas on how to fill up love cups. (Complete.)

Hope it helps,
Nomo