Nikki, thanks for that article. I wish that H would read this because from my perspective, it does outline the how and the why of what happened to an extent. My H does not admit that it was an EA. Our MC is trying to get him to understand that the level of intimacy that he was giving to OW was taking away from that in our M. My H is a smart man, I know he gets this. Admitting it, when it identifies a shortcoming on his part, is something else... I plan on forwarding this to our MC to see what he thinks about sharing it with H.
[Nikki's note: I am not so sure about this one [Immediately, make your marriage your top priority. Direct your time, energy, focus, and attention on understanding what has happened and coming up with an action plan to improve the emotional intimacy in your marriage. ] and would be curious to get thoughts - this seems like a slippery slope for those of us who "lost" ourselves in the M..] I totally agree. When the EA was first brought up, the last thing on H's mind was to make our M a top priority. And I learned that GAL was more important for me at that time too.
To answer SD: A question, sweetie: Do you want to be right or happy?
I want to be happy. But I need a way to get over the OW. The thought that perhaps H's view point that he did nothing wrong is what is keeping me from letting it go, just came to me during our conversation the other night. I am trying to figure out a way to let it go. I try the stop sign approach. Nada. I try redirecting my thoughts. Nope. It doesn't help that my kids talk to OW. I know that OW must feel awkward as well.
You have to figure out what the payoff is for holding on to this.
I have thought about this. I wonder if it is because if I let her go then I won't have a reminder to not become complacent again in my M. If I let her go, am I minimizing all that occurred the past year like my H when he refers to the things that happened as 'bumps in the road'.
To respond to Cadesmom: Think about how much power you would take back FOR YOU if you looked her in the eye and talked to her. My H thinks I should do the same thing. He has talked to OW about the kids during some sport. It is different though since he is the coach of the team. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that H got her out of his system. I know this took a while as he often said last year that he had to understand what his attraction to OW meant. I cannot seem to get over this hump though. I get all worked up about it. Sweaty palms, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the intense feeling of dread. Sometimes it is just the anticipation of seeing OW that gets me like this. Stupid as that might sound...
And yes, I am glad that I have a second chance to make it right. H and I are more open with each other than we've been in years. H still processes things on his own but I can break in to his inner circle and he'll share with me. The break in may not have been invited but he is receptive to it.
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
