Plank/WAW, thread 2

[Heimlich]

Damn, DL, I like that. I wish I had thought of that the other day. Going to write that down on a notecard so I can read it and have it mentally handy if the opportunity presents itself.

THANKS.

BD

[whatsyourpoint]

[quote=Heimlich] Working on my major bad habit -- procrastination (which this board DOES NOT help with )

You're not alone with that bad habit getting in the way of renewing your old ways, but you're not blind to it.

Thank you for posting the poem. It's a great reminder to stay grounded.

I think you've done a great job showing the fire in your belly. Seems to me the most important reason you're doing it is to be true to those thoughts and feelings. Now, just let them sink in.

[Heimlich]

Man, this sucks. Have this baseline feeling of dread about the D mediation next week that I can't seem to shake. Not in a bad mood or anything, just kind of a nod to what I hope is not the inevitable.

Watched a few episodes of Monk with my W on Monday. Made the mistake of asking for a hug. Immediately said, never mind, don't hug me if you don't want to and walked away. Didn't say it mean or anything, just kind of flat.

Tuesday, I was walking out the door for dance class as she was walking in. Very limited interaction. Had to go upstairs for something out of the bathroom or I don't even think she would have told me good night had I not gone upstairs.

Was a little snippy with her this morning. Offered to bring some movies back to the video store, but she kept saying don't bother. Like she's trying to prove that she can be independent and doesn't need me. Good lord, I know she doesn't need me, but it's like she spurns any offer of help from me. It's like she's pushing me away so that she doesn't have to think about what she's doing or open herself up to a chance that things can get better/she can have feelings for me again. Normally would've let it slide off of my back, but I am NOT a morning person. Sent her a quick email apologizing for being snippy with her.

I'm really starting to believe that she's done. Going to have to do some serious thinking about my goals over the next few days.

On a happier note, contacted a rugby team in Frederick. Once my dance lessons are done in 6 or so weeks, going to pick up for half of the season. Something I've always wanted to do but held back from because of games on the weekend and worry about travel, kids, etc. Well, no more holding back from doing things I've wanted to do for years.

BD

[stewart10]

H:

Was a little snippy with her this morning. Offered to bring some movies back to the video store, but she kept saying don't bother. Like she's trying to prove that she can be independent and doesn't need me. Good lord, I know she doesn't need me, but it's like she spurns any offer of help from me. It's like she's pushing me away so that she doesn't have to think about what she's doing or open herself up to a chance that things can get better/she can have feelings for me again.

I know exactly what you are saying here. Remember though, they are trying to justify their actions. They are telling themselves there is no other way, that you cannot change and that they have made the right decision. When you do start to change, and they begin to recognize it, it throws them off. They start to wonder if they have in fact made the right decision. Her not accepting anything from you is exactly what you say. It is her way of trying to ensure that those second thoughts are kept to a minimum. They don't want you to change at this point. They have already made up their mind. Keep doing what you are doing. It appears to be giving her second thoughts, whether she admits to it or not.

I'm really starting to believe that she's done.

Just my opinion but in connection with what I wrote above, if she was really done, she would not be concerned about how accepting help from you would make her feel. She would already be tuned out, so any goodwill coming from you would not make a difference. I don't know if I am explaining this well. Just that if she was done, I don't think she would mind taking advantage of your giving nature. The fact that she does not want to feel guilty I think says alot about where she is.

Good job on the rugby GAL, although I don't know if I would choose rugby. Sounds a bit dangerous.

[Steel_Box]

On a happier note, contacted a rugby team in Frederick. Once my dance lessons are done in 6 or so weeks, going to pick up for half of the season. Something I've always wanted to do but held back from because of games on the weekend and worry about travel, kids, etc. Well, no more holding back from doing things I've wanted to do for years.

Go ahead Heimlich!!
I'm sure you'll love it. I played for 10 years, and coached for 2. I made some great friends that I'll have forever because of it. IMO its one of the best combinations of athletics and social interaction around. Let us know how it goes.

Steel

[SunnySeason]

Hi H,

Remember though, they are trying to justify their actions. They are telling themselves there is no other way, that you cannot change and that they have made the right decision. When you do start to change, and they begin to recognize it, it throws them off.

I believe what Stewart says is true & is happening right now with your W. She doesn't want any positive thoughts to intrude into her decision, so will be actively "baiting" you for ammunition to support her reasoning that you're someone she would be better without.

Your desciptions of how she goes about creating distance is very familiar to me in my sitch & I'm sure in others as well. That's why it's good to have imput on their motivation, so you don't buy into it.

Agree also that people who are done are indifferent. Your W is still actively doubtful IMO.

L&L,

Sunny

[delia]

Like she's trying to prove that she can be independent and doesn't need me. Good lord, I know she doesn't need me, but it's like she spurns any offer of help from me. It's like she's pushing me away so that she doesn't have to think about what she's doing or open herself up to a chance that things can get better/she can have feelings for me again. Normally would've let it slide off of my back, but I am NOT a morning person. Sent her a quick email apologizing for being snippy with her.

I'm really starting to believe that she's done. Going to have to do some serious thinking about my goals over the next few days.

Heimlich, I don't think she'll ever be really done until she's experienced life on her own. If she finds that she's happy with that life in the long term, then she's done. But right now she doesn't understand the future she's facing. And of course you can't tell her.

[Heimlich]

Thanks Stew, Delia, Sunny, and Steel,

I kindof had the thought that she might be pushing me away for that reason, but it's nice to hear that I'm not insane/crazy/grasping at non-existent straws.

Delia, I think you may be right about my W's definition of "done." I hope not, I have asked her to reconsider given that I've finally realized my role in our R, but I don't expect her to budge.

Played in one or two practices with a friend of mine in college who was on the Tulane rugby team (until he flunked out. Partly because of participation on said rugby team). Lots of fun. No more dangerous than any other sport, Stew. Lots of banging under the boards in bball, right? Very much looking forward to it.

File under funny, but not. Part of my job is serving as emcee for webinars every other Wed. Usually attract 200 to 400 attendees, depending on the topic. Today started off fine, had to call into a back up number to get our audio streaming going. About 10 minutes into the presentation, the audio flips over to a Soybean overview then to some sort of financial report about banking in Asia. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there helpless making small talk with our sponsor (who had ponied up about 20K to speak) and our speaker praying that our provider would fix the problem. I need a vacation. I'm too young for this.

BD

[dlt1]

Hi H,
I am on board with you feeling it she may really be done. I am gearing up for a talk with my W where I will bare (sp?) all and try my hardest to get her to let loose as well. I've been writing notes to bring so I don't get off track. Hope that isn;t taken wrong, but have to do it to not miss anything. I'll try to post the results on my thread Sun or Mon. It sounds like you're doing things well. Keep your head up!

[SuperDad]

I am gearing up for a talk with my W where I will bare (sp?) all and try my hardest to get her to let loose as well. I've been writing notes to bring so I don't get off track. Hope that isn;t taken wrong, but have to do it to not miss anything.

dlt1,
you should not do this without long thought and first posting on this bb to get feedback. Ask yourself how this will bring you closer to your goals! In general, actions are the only thing that a WAS will notice. Words are a waste of energy. Patience is everything!

Heimlich,
sorry for the hijack!
SD