He has said this before. H believes that because he never slept with her that he did nothing wrong.
So here we are now, H thinks that my inability to get over OW is hindering our ability to move forward. I think that his view of things (did nothing wrong) may be part of the problem that I cannot seem to let it go. I think to myself, if H admitted that it was wrong, would that help me let it go? I am not sure. I know that he has let her go.
A question, sweetie: Do you want to be right or happy?
I can tell you from experience, only YOU can do what's necessary to let go of OW. Your H has already let her go as you said. How does him admitting he was wrong change things? He can say whatever, can even really mean it, and it doesn't guarantee he won't leave, develop another EA in the future, etc. You have no control over those things. Who DO you have control over? YOU.
I held on to my H's EA (she works with him) for a long time after he'd let her go. I kept thinking if he just got a different job, if he never talked to her again, etc. *I* brought her into our lives daily, not in word, but in spirit. LW (my acronymn for her) came to visit me everyday in my mind, and it kept ME from trusting H, letting go of the past summer, and building a strong R.
So I decided to work on letting her go. You have to figure out what the payoff is for holding on to this. For me, LW was an excuse to not get closer to H. She was my insurance that I wouldn't get hurt again, that if I was vigilant, he'd never hurt me like that again. When you start looking at those things, especially on paper, you see what kind of faulty logic it is. And then you can start to let things go.
You have to stay lovingly detached for the rest of your life which only means that YOU are the one you rely on, count on, etc. Your H is a CHOICE, not a NEED.
Your H can't do anything to help you here sweetie. This is your work to do. H has done his...and really, even if you guys moved halfway across the world and never saw OW again, it wouldn't change things. She'd still be in your mind and heart.
Let her go. Right or happy? I DO love to be right, but happy feels better. I choose happiness. Love yourself, trust yourself, and start working on letting her go. You can check out my thread in piecing to see how I worked on letting this go if you think it will help.
Lots more to write...your H sounds A LOT like my H...
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
