People can only genuinely desire things that they want but don't have. Part of the problem with self-defining yourself as HD is that you are pretty much saying "I will always or usually desire sex more than my sexual partner." This is also part of the problem with self-defining yourself as "nice" or "the one who is working on the relationship". Unless you measure such things in a purely objective fashion, you are pretty much saying "I am going to behave in a manner that will ensure that you are filling the relative role of low desire, bad person who does not work on our relationship." For instance, it has occurred to me that perhaps the reason I didn't make more of an effort to "make myself attractive" much of the time when I was married was that I knew that if I did, I would attract men who I would find more attractive than my 2bx and I didn't want to be the bad guy who wanted out of the relationship sexually.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
