Burn Notice

[MJontheMend]

I think it is true that courage is what is needed but we have to remember that courage takes different forms. I would say that I'm most courageous when I follow my curiosity rather than my preconceived notions or knee-jerk reactions in pursuit of fun or happiness or fulfillment. The only way to experience a new paradigm is to let go of the old one and the only way to let go of an old paradigm is to let doubt and therefore also wonder invade your soul.

I remember towards the end of my marriage after a sexual encounter I asked myself "I wonder if that was the last time I'll ever have sex with my husband?" Being able to ask myself that question and only experience a bit of mild melancholy was directly reflective of the extent to which I had let go of control and desire to maintain the old paradigm. Probably if I had been able to keep myself from exerting too much control over the formation of the new paradigm, there would have been more of a chance of saving my marriage. But, hey, I'm only human. It's scary to live in a world you can't control but only observe and it's really f*cking scary to realize that you can't even control yourself much of the time.