My husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years, three kids: 6, 3, and 7 months. We have been separated for 6 months, but have been in real crisis for about a year and a half. There have been affairs on both our parts. I realized the error of my ways a year and a half ago. I have been trying everything since then to make things work (at least I thought so.) I finally read Michelle's books DB and DR two months ago when my husband told me again that this was not working and he did want a divorce.
So I've been DB for two months and trying to keep track of the small positive steps. I've done two phone coaching sessions too. I've given him his space, try not to call him or email him, and made sure to give him ample time with the children when I am not around. I talked to some of our friends and let them know that eventhough he wants a divorce, I'm fighting for our marriage. They look at me with such pity.
Two days ago he told me that there is someone else. Not an affair yet, but they talk and email a lot. There are other women, sex parties, etc. He told me this so that I would quit trying: it is never going to work. He doesn't love me in a romantic way anymore and he believes that we are just not meant together. I asked him how he could make such a decision without aid of counseling or without really trying. He told me that he had tried (which is hard to do when one is addicted to all the personal adds on craigslist...) and that he is at peace with God regarding his decision.
For the first time, I truly feel like I should throw in the towel. There is that one chapter in DR that talks about how some people really do mean it when they say it's over; there's nothing you can do to change their minds. I told him I still believed it could work and that I will continue to feel that way. I believe we should at least try because we have three children (yes, these are all statements my coach would not be completely happy with...)
He wants to file this week. I'm surprised he hasn't already. That is about the only positive still going. We are supposed to meet with a mediator next week: oddly enough he chose our very pro-marriage counselor we saw last year. Probably just because he is comfortable with him.
Any words of wisdom? I can keep the door open to this relationship, but I'm starting to feel that both my children and I deserve something better; someone who will treat us with love and respect.
He hasn't told me he loves me for just about a year, either - don't know if that makes a difference.
