Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

It is gut wrenching and I feel for you. Chances are he has feelings and your H. believes this will take away the pain.

Let me bring those interested up to speed. Yesterday I sent her an email, like I did before, basically saying would you like to talk about the schedule for the weekend since family is coming in and I have a procedure coming up next weekend. I also said maybe we could talk some tonight since we will be busy all weekend. No reply of course, when we had a chance she said you always pick bad days I am tired. I said okay, she indicated that she was late coming home from work last night and only had 4 hrs of sleep. Well fact is she had enough energy to talk to her Male friend at 1 in the morning Wednesday but not enough to discuss our situation. Well I could not get out of my own way, I said it appears you have made a choice to put others in front of us yet again.

By the way that is my issue from all along it seems that other circumstances or people get first billing instead of our R. That has been an issue for me for about 5 years and until recently have expressed my displeasure with it. My fault I know but still my preception. When I said how come you have time for others and not us, she got defensive and said I am tired of living like this. I said we don't have to live like this, it is a choice we are making. Not bad, but she said something else and since her mannerisms where indicating her irriation with me, I imploded and said you can file when ever you are ready I won't stand in your way.

Then I walked past the room about 10 minutes later and said if I can't express how I feel sometimes then what in the world are we doing. She said it just makes me mad because I did not ask for this and I don't want to give you more than I want to give you. I said that is fine and wished her goodnight.

Bottom line is punishment is the name of the game along with selfishness. When I was the one who was unsure she would wake me up at two in the morning and I would talk until 4 am, I go to work at 5 am. Whenever she wanted to talk about it I made myself available. It is funny how what is good for the gander is not necessarily good for the goose. I am very frustrated by last nights events and irritated with the selfishness on her part and to some extent on my part.

Some days are okay and some are not, I just try and curb emotion, I am sure there are times when you just feel like you get kicked in the private place over and over. This is why so many people give up because the road back can be twice as hard unless both are committed to it. Hang in there folks I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnle.