what is HE promising to do differently? Is the A just a taboo topic? Are you allowed to bring it up? Are you allowed to need or want or ask for reassurance from HIM that HE will do his part in the restoration of the M, (other than "taking control"...)??
I know, these are not easy questions to ask, and we fear the answers. But, in the end, since life really is short and your son knows what he knows, you know the truth will reveal itself at some point. Will you be able to handle it, if it isn't what you want? And if it comes about that he really won't take any responsibility for being human and flawed (so he was/is perfect in all important ways) and that the M problems and even HIS A must ALL must be your fault AND always will be, well, how much time do you want to endure that? This is not a dress rehearsal? Remember that question I asked Rocco (God, hope he's alright...) about looking at our lives like novels. If we were reading our life's book, would we like how it's going? Who is writing your life's novel? Shouldn't it be you? How will the next chapter go?
Maybe ask him if the past is ALL your fault, is the future also your exclusive responsibility??--b/c if it is, this will NOT work...it cannot. R's have 2+ people in them (I'm including kids as the +, not OPs) and he's smart enough to know he played a role in this. What is he so afraid of looking at in him, that he cannot admit to being human? Has he ever witnessed or GIVEN forgiveness to anyone in his life for anything big? I never saw it in my parent's M and it is a Learned skill...
Besides, if he is so off the hook, how frightening a world it must be for him to have so little control of the past, the "now" and the future. And, IF he is "taking control" whatever the hell that means, then he should feel better about the R since NOW he is actively in it.
VC, L, I am angry at him and I don't think I'm transferring from my sitch to yours, but who knows? For some reason the comments he made and the background, just really fire me up and scare me as to how serious HE is about fixing things in HIM. Will he go to counselling with you? If not, why not? Call it "communication tools" or whatever, and never suggest it is about improving him....but you guys need someone to tell HIM that this simply cannot be all your fault.
good luck, I'm sending you hugs and prayers sweetie! j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
