Well, good news...I have not backslid! On the contrary, I'll get into that in a bit. I can understand why you would think I must have contacted the OM because I haven't been on here in a couple of days or more...can't remember exactly that last post, but what happen was that I had a very serious flare up with my Fibromyalgia. In fact it was the worst I have ever been and my H was wanting to take me to the ER. Anyway, I am back up on my feet and have went to work the past two days. However, I was so behind that I had to bring some work home to catch up here at night and it cut into my "board time". I just got back from Wednesday night church meeting and am so wound up until now I can't sleep! (lol) So, I thought I would check to see if I had any messages.
I am still learning my way around this board, and I forget how to do certain things, but I'm glad I found your message. Thought I was the one not hearing from you! (lol) But, God love you...thank you so much for being concerned about me.
Amy, I have seen God's mercy and grace at work in my life the past couple of weeks...and especially this week...until I'm about to explode with thanksgiving and encouragement. Now, I know that I am going to be free. I'm not saying that I won't ever be tempted again...I think I have learned never to think we won't be tempted in certain areas of life...because we set ouselves up for failure. But, I am feeling the prayers of the people that care...really care...and the strength of the Lord in me tonight and it feels so good because it has been so long.
I told my mother the other day when I was in so much pain that I deserved to suffer much worse than what I was going through. She said, "I thought you said that you had confessed your sins to the Lord and He had forgiven you". I told her that I had and then she so sweetly told me that I was having a hard time forgiving myself and that I was going to have to do that before I could move forward...spiritually or any other way. She is right. It is the hardest thing to forgive myself and I don't think I have completely done that yet...but I'm trying to work on it.
The good news is that I can see progess in my MR and even though we have not gotten to the intimacy part yet, we are slowly, but steadly, healing. My H really is a great man. To some he may appear kind of plain, or boring, or even a little "simple"....but he isn't...he is a wonderful person. I have always known that, but I chose not to see it. I just wanted to see his bad side so I would feel justified with my bad choices. But, we are talking like....you know, it's getting back to what was "normal" before all this mess happened. I didn't think we would be at this point a few weeks ago.
You guys are the best! I was beginning to feel a little guilty for spending so much time reading people's posts every night and knew I needed to spend some time with my H. So, I have tried to do that this week also.
But, girl, keep checking in with me and challenging me, because what you said about the pull of the fantasy...is so true. That is why I broke down and told you all about my weakness with that since as far back as pre-teen years. So, yes, that is the area that the devil attacks me the hardest.
Tonight at church, due to some things that happened, I felt like the Lord was letting me know that He was going to use me again in His work. Even though I feel so unworthy and like....you know....ashamed, etc., some things just happened to let me know He was giving me another chance. So, pray that I don't screw this up and will keep climbing out of that pit.
I love you for being frank with me and the fact that you noticed I hadn't been on here and was concerned. You do understand! Completely! I was checking under my "stuff" but I didn't see you message under I went under the formum...anyway, like I said, I'm still learning how to do this.
How are you doing after the ordeal with your FIL? Is things with the kids and H any better?
Let me hear from you. I have missed you too.
Love,
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
