How Can I Possibly Restore THIS?

[JustDucky]

Thanks for your responses... I was a little worried that folks might think this story was too crazy to respond to! (Let me tell you though, it was even crazier living this nightmare.)

H told me through an e-mail that he was through. I believe his words were something to the effect "Three strikes (separations) and I'm out for good, this marriage is over. I'm too old and too broke to be a ping pong ball. We don't get along and it's time to move on." But you are right- he probably wasn't (and maybe isn't) too keen on the idea of D. But I also believe that he doesn't know what else to do. I KNOW that he does not want to go through any more pain from this experience. But a D will not erase that pain. Only if one or both of us is willing to make drastic changes will anything positive happen.

And so I work on myself. Currently, I am working on my communication skills with my counselor- my communication with H was NOT good. Is very hard, painful work to break old patterns, but I am willing to do it. For ME. AND him. I mentioned some other things I am doing for myself earlier.

As far as my timing is concerned- I have been VERY active in trying to get the word out about this drug for a well over a year. I talk to people all over the country who have been affected by this drug. The ad campaign, which began after they received FDA approval to market the drug for Restless Leg Syndrome, began just a few weeks ago. I am not a TV watcher, so I have not seen the ad, but when it first aired, I was getting calls from all over the US about it!

I (We) filed suit against the company over a year ago and have a trial date for sometime next year. But I happened to find a reference to this site a few weeks ago, and read posts for awhile before writing my own story. There really was no conscious decision as to my posting and the ads. And before I get down from my soapbox, let me tell you.... when they say "compulsive".... well, I never quite understood the gravity of what "compulsive" meant until this happened to me. And yes, gambling is the big one. The others are equally devastating, though- just harder to quantify. And even though my story is not good, there are others that I know who had it worse (maybe not monetarily) than me. They lost everything, including their life.

One thing that is clear to me is that I need to give him space and time to heal. We both experienced this differently; and neither of us can truly feel what the other went through. We may just have to heal by ourselves, and not continue with the "But this is why I hurt. Can't you just understand that?" And all the "tit for tat" garbage that went on.

But that doesn't stop me from being scared that I will never hear from him again, once the D is final. Gotta trust the Lord on that one. But being human, sometimes that's tough. I let me get in the way.

BTW- No, I have not called him. I have let him initiate the e-mail contact, except for a couple of questions about the house. I have been very clear,and kind, in telling him how I feel about this, and that the door to further communication is open.

Any other suggestions?