I Belong Over Here

[RedHeadWife]

I think. Short version of sitch, H dropped D bomb back in January. He never left the house except for one weekend and a few days another time. We knew he was getting deployed in May for a year and he wanted to stay in the house w/ the boys until he left. 3 boys, 7, 3 & 1. I'm 35 and H is 32.

I've been around the Board for awhile. Some in "Infidelity" and some over in "SSM."

H had 4 A's. 2 supposedly EA's while deployed when first son was 18 months, 1 one night stand while deployed at a later time and then another EA while the D sitch was going on and for some time prior to that I'm sure.

H told me he had gone to see a D lawyer, but then we found out we were pregnant w/ S #3 who is now 18 months.

I got the "I love you as a person and the mother of my children, but nothing else," etc. You have become an angry, bitter, tired person. (I now agree w/ that statement and have changed that.)

I stood by him the entire time. I changed a lot of things I realized needed to be changed and did it for me and for our M, and not just so he would stick around.

I finally asked him over the phone the other night what made him decide to stay and he said simply "Because I love you." He is finally realizing that everything was not all my fault the way he was protraying the sitch all along and that he could have done some things differently to make our M better as well. He told me the other night that he "needs" me.

I'm not worried about him cheating anymore. We both know that cannot happen again. I did finally ask if I needed to worry about OW when he gets back b/c we are staying here and she will also still be here and he kind of works w/ her. He said the only thing he is concerned about when he gets home is making us good & right again.

I guess I still lurk around here quite a bit b/c it still hurts and I told him that the other night. I don't think he realizes the extent of hurt he inflicted.

That's my story in a nutshell I suppose. I guess I'm starting this thread so I can continue to journal.

I talk to him every day and unfortunately still mostly feel like I'm doing all of the work, but I'm not allowing myself to be resentful of that. I guess I wish he would seem to want to talk to me and call me more often, but I know he is busy and I also wish he would take a bit more time to email me something w/ some substance but, again, I know he's busy so I'm keeping a close eye on my "expectations."