I have been dbing for the better part of 4 years. I can only truly say I found God and began standing about two years ago when I thought things could not get any worse. It seemed that my prayers worked. H reconnected with me for 7 months. I truly believe he was supposed to come home then but he turned the wrong way. I still believed that I was meant to stand. I tried so many times to walk away and I could not.
But not I find myself at a crossroads (again). I have asked God to show me signs that I should continue to stand but I have not gotten any. In fact quite the opposite.
H's purchase of a motorcycle is just another bandaid. He just cannot seem to get his head on straight. Do I continue to wait? I never dreamed I would still be here four years later with the only movement in this whole thing being a step back.
The more I read on here about how these WAS/MLCers behave the more I wonder why all of us deserve this. None of us deserve this.
I was not a perfect wife. Hell I was not a good wife. But at least I was willing to admit what I did wrong and work to fix things. I can notsay the same for my h.
At least he should have walked away and not looked back. But instead anytime I started getting healthy he would pull me back. I was such a fool for allowing this so many times. I just wanted my family back. I wanted my children to have the best of everything. I just knew I could and would be a better wife and h really had the potential to be a good husband.
But here I am about to embark on a new journey and I need to leave h behind. I am about to move and go back to school.
I am not sure that I could be the one to get a D. I still want h to do it. But of course he is keeping his options open. So... in the meantime I will be still. I am still waiting for some answers for myself.
I want to thank all of you on this board. You are all truly amazing people. Just by being here and searching for answers and the commitment we have had to our m's we have made the world a better place.
