I have been dbing for the better part of 4 years. I can only truly say I found God and began standing about two years ago when I thought things could not get any worse. It seemed that my prayers worked. H reconnected with me for 7 months. I truly believe he was supposed to come home then but he turned the wrong way. I still believed that I was meant to stand. I tried so many times to walk away and I could not.
But not I find myself at a crossroads (again). I have asked God to show me signs that I should continue to stand but I have not gotten any. In fact quite the opposite.
H's purchase of a motorcycle is just another bandaid. He just cannot seem to get his head on straight. Do I continue to wait? I never dreamed I would still be here four years later with the only movement in this whole thing being a step back.
The more I read on here about how these WAS/MLCers behave the more I wonder why all of us deserve this. None of us deserve this.
I was not a perfect wife. Hell I was not a good wife. But at least I was willing to admit what I did wrong and work to fix things. I can notsay the same for my h.
At least he should have walked away and not looked back. But instead anytime I started getting healthy he would pull me back. I was such a fool for allowing this so many times. I just wanted my family back. I wanted my children to have the best of everything. I just knew I could and would be a better wife and h really had the potential to be a good husband.
But here I am about to embark on a new journey and I need to leave h behind. I am about to move and go back to school.
I am not sure that I could be the one to get a D. I still want h to do it. But of course he is keeping his options open. So... in the meantime I will be still. I am still waiting for some answers for myself.
I want to thank all of you on this board. You are all truly amazing people. Just by being here and searching for answers and the commitment we have had to our m's we have made the world a better place.
Good luck with school (what are you going to study) and life. The beautiful thing is that your life moves forward in this way while you are waiting for your answers.
I was not a perfect wife. Hell I was not a good wife. But at least I was willing to admit what I did wrong and work to fix things. I can notsay the same for my h.
This shows your growth my love.
You are not blaming anyone else for the demise of your marriage.
Today I read my very first posts for about an hour, and you were always there for me, being this wonderful beacon of light.
That is how I see you.
Our God is a very forgiving loving God, (thank you Pilar for showing me this)
Your prayers and your devotion to your girls, has not been at all wasted.
And i love your movement forward.
I love how you have helped me and so many.
In the end, it all boils down to the fact, that we can accpet what we have done wrong, stop blaming others, and forgive ourselves and move forward.
Let him file mamma, that is what is in your heart. Then so be it.
I pray this is not a good bye post. But if it is, promise that you will come back and tell us how wonderful you are doing.
Remember you still have to come visit, and we have to walk in heals together.
I am so very proud of you.
smoooooooooooches
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
None of us are perfect husbands nor wives.... we were the best partner we could be, at the time, with what we had gathered (earned, learned) at the time. We all had/have room for changes and growth..... if we were perfect, we wouldn't be here on earth. With this said, I hope you aren't being too hard on yourself here, and understand we were exactly what we were meant to be at the time, and are becoming exactly what we have been intended to be. Changes are painful, as we have all learned.
I have found that it is best to pick and choose those things we can control or change, and leave the rest up to God and the rest who share this world with us. I just hope you can avoid the last path I have traveled, although it does feel as though things are finally quieting down for now.
You are doing so well, it's time for you to celebrate YOU.
Take care, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
These new changes will be good for you, keep moving forward and try not to look back. You are an excellent role model for your children.
I too wasn`t the perfect wife, even if I was, H still would have had his MLC and put blame on me, because it`s easier. It`s been 3 years for H, and although he`s here with me, his MLC mind is still spinning.
Good luck with your move and studies. You will be amazed at how much you will continue to grow. I know it seems scary, but you can do this. One step at a time.
Life is a journey for sure. I am still "right" there with you. It is back and forth for me as well.
Go back to school and enjoy yourself.
I take things one day at a time. I've moved to a new house, have a new job, and am trying to wrok myself back into shape. H is still on the roller coaster, although he seems to be on a much slower one these days.
I don't post much and don't visit much, but it is always nice to see an old friend on here.
Imp I am going into education to teach elementary school. Although sometimes I think I should go into a more lucrative career. I do try to keep myself moving forward and I really want to put all of this stuff behind me. I feel the need to just get it out of the way once and for all. Now if I could just figure out how to do that.
Liss. I am glad that I was of help to you. You are a beacon of light to so many. Your humour and your love for everyone is truly genuine. I don't think I will truly ever leave this sight but I do have less time to post and once September comes I will have even less.
Laughing, My good friend. Thank you for your kind words. You are such an inspiration to me. No matter what has been thrown at you you have become stronger. I am not blaming myself. H was not a good husband either. I make no excuses though. But I have learned and continue to walk this journey. I will always find new opportunties to grow and only God knows what is in store for me.
Celestial. It has been a long time. I remember when our h's were both reconnecting. Mine took a wrong turn. I know how slow that reconnecting is. But you are strong and very smart. You will make it. Just continue with your life.
SA3. I am so happy to hear from you. I am happy to hear of your new job and home. You are so patient with your h. You are such a great role model for your children.
August is zooming by already. I am going away with my ds next Thursday our annual trip to the island. H was a bit taken a back that we were going away again. I guess I should have given him a schedule but it is my weekend with the ds.
September is going to be one busy month. I am starting school, I am moving but I hope to get some work done before I move in so it may not be until October that I actually live in my new house. I have two uncles and aunts coming from Europe and my au pair also. So now I have to get my spare bedroom ready for my au pair and start slowly packing. But I am going to try to enjoy the rest of this month and relax.
Wow, it seems like this decision came out of nowhere, and yet knowing you, it surely didn't; you are not one to make rash decisions. I know that you listen carefully to Him, to figure out what HE wants you to do - which may not be what you want to do (darn!).
I agree with Liss that if your heart says not to file, then don't. The day may come when you want to...or not. You will see. I think it will be good for you to move, start school and start a whole new BOOK of life, not just a chapter!
My best wishes and prayers are with you, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I know that all I can do is just keep going. Your right about the new book I think the last one is very long.
My ds and I went away for a few days. The day we were supposed to leave to visit my friend, she phoned and said she was sick and wanted us to come a day later. So we decided to take a detour and go see the Titanic exhibit then go on to visit her. The day we left my d5 got sick but she seemed okay so we left anyway. We had a good a busy day at the museum and the parliament buildings, had dinner and caught a bus to see my friend. I ran into two people I knew. Kind of funny.
We then went to the lake to visit my friend's mom. That night my neice got sick and so did my friend. That night d8 was sick and of course I followed. We could not come home Sunday night. My friend called the nurse's line and found out we probably all had Norwalk virus. Yeah for us. So I had to take an extra day off of work.
Came home to replace my hot water tank and now I find out my au pair can't get her visa for about three weeks and therefore she is coming a week later not to mention that air fair is less then half at that time. Sooo. I called in a replacement. Today was good to have off. It was a good mental health day and I got a lot done.
Summer is zooming by and we have not had much of one in terms of weather but we have had so much fun and stayed so busy.
