Agree completely with OT - it's not the time. But I do think it was probably a great release to write it!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
No, just sending it to the C at this point. But I am pissed!! Not a good time for any talk right now.
I went to the parenting course, meeting him there. I was very stressed. It was a small room, and he had saved a seat. The whole first 1+1/2 hours was about the effects of D on kids, all of the signs and symptoms, etc. It was awful, thinking that he was causing all of this to potentially happen to our kids, when he KNOWS that fixing the R, if possible, is the best thing for him. During the break, I stepped outside and he followed.
H: Are you ok doing this together? Me: No !! Is THIS what you really want?! H: I am not talking about this here...do you want me to sign up for a different class? Me: No. H: Well, then I am going back in.
I got myself composed, went in and asked to see the instructor in private. I told her that I had made a mistake and had to leave; that I didn't want this, he was having an affair and maybe she could talk to him about how to tell the kids...
I went inside, got my things without looking at him, and left.
I HATE that my children have to go through this!! I HATE that he is not willing to try, for all of us. And I am beginning to hate him...
Guys, I really felt it tonight. In my stomach, and in my heart. I really think we are over, that he is gone, and probably has been for a very long time.
I don't have to try to solve this problem anymore. I don't have to read any more books. I don't have to be sick over what I did wrong. I don't have to obsess over what I may have overlooked.
Oh, and in my moment of realization and anger, CW just happened to be outside when I pulled in. I told her she could have him, good luck. Then I went to leave and the f*cking dog came over. I booted him out of the way. She said Don't kick my dog. I told her to shut up and went home.
Ok, not a moment of dignity, grace or strength, but it felt good. They deserve each other.
FIL caught me later tonight and asked if I was ok. I said I'm going to be fine, but that his son was an a$$hole. He said he had come to agree.
I feel like I can sleep for three days straight right now. But, tomorrow is packing day, and Fri is Florida :0)
I am sorry you had such a low night, but it sounds like you are starting to accept some things that I know, from experience, are very hard to accept. After my H gave me the "I am done" speech back in May, I went through a week of mourning my marriage. It was a really low point, but I had to go through it. I can definitely say that, from that point to now, I have grown stronger and stronger. This is just part of the process for you. You have to allow yourself to go through it, but you are right, you are going to be fine. In fact, you are going to be great!
You don't need to understand why. He doesn't know himself or he could tell you. Quit trying to figure it out.
It is sufficient that he feels it is a choice he has to make to have a happy life. He may or may not be right about it. But, he has to figure that out for himself. If you need some kind of reason, that is why he has to make that choice right now.
Good job calling a friend. Stick to your plan. And, focus on your trip. Go buy party gifts for everyone. Make them a little naughty, lol.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Kind of got a chuckle from your post of how you spoke to CW. I feel for what you are going through. I think what is going on inside of you will help to detach yourself from the situation.
Put your cares behind you and have fun this weekend!
Donna, first things first, sit down to read this.....
I have watched as people have posted to you giving you very solid direction and giving you a map to make you feel better and start living your life without all of this fear and pain. I have set back and watched you virtually ignore it. You give solid lip service that you understand and then sometimes within hours you are doing something stupid again?
Here's the thing, some people like to suffer. They like to wallow as it deflects them having to take a good hard look at themselves if they continue to deflect onto the spouse. Not for nothing but when the hell are you gonna start caring more about yourself than you do about your H????
I for one am sick and tired of hearing about your daily conversations with him that ultimately have R talk in them. What part of quit talking do you not get? Why the hell are you doing absolutely anything for him right now. Have you ever thought about cold shouldering the living shitt out of him and sending the message that you are the one in charge and not him?
You are giving him so much power over your life that it makes me sick. I mean think logically about this sweetie. Lets do this, pretend like I am your brother, I tell you that my wife has been having at the very least an EA. I tell you how she talks to me the way your H talks to you. Then I tell you about how we are constantly talking about us and I keep asking her why, why, why..... What would you tell me?
Well thats what I am telling you, if it doesnt pertain to children or finance, dont talk to his sorry asss. If it doesnt involve kids, dont do anything for his sorry asss. If he calls you, guess what, let it go to voicemail. When he gets pissy about you avoiding him, tell him tough shitt, this is the life he has chosen, deal with it.
Donna, enough is enough. Stand up and be your own person. Take back the power in your life and quit allowing him to dictate how each day goes for you. For gods sake, he's just a man, a man that cheated on you and left, why does he deserve all this power again?????
Start listening to OT and the others around here. Do not simply give them lip service and then wander off and get right back into another R talk again. If you are sick of feeling like crap, then I highly suggest you start listening around here and figuring out that at this point in time, it is no longer him that is hurting you, it is you.
I know you can do this Donna, you just have to decide that YOU are important enough to do it for.
