Looked through some of the old threads, and it looks like local DBers to you are/might be:
S_O_T_S (formerly "Stoic On The Surface") care nomopo Exiled RainbowLove
There may be others too, but this should be a start if you want to contact some fellow DB souls nearby.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hi morgan, I have been reading your thread for a bit. I finally posted my story on Infidelity. We have a few things in common.
First of all, I am sorry about how you end up feeling when H gets frustrated with you. SOOO been there, done that. And lately, I have been able to see that its not me, its him, and why that may not help him, it helps me. I do not defend whatever annoying behavior I am doing anymore.
Second, while my H is still in the house (at least physically), he has slept on the couch for 2 months. My kids (D5 and D3) notice this obviously, and may not know why, but know something is different. I have noticed small changes in them (D3 being more clingy, asking "Where's Daddy" when he is gone, D5 being more whiny around the both of us). But when I bring it up to H, he doesn't see anything. I decided to tackle the behaviors myself, and if anything gets worse, I will not ask him what he thinks about a counselor. I will notify him when/if they ever go for help. We are the mamas, we *know* our kids. Strike that, because some of the daddies on here know exactly what is going on with their kids too. I should say "We aren't the ones in the fog". We are the ones who have to be the rock, and not be in some sad state of denial about the changes going on around us, like our spouses.
I am glad to see you have calmed down a bit, but boy I know how you felt. Take care.
Aw thanks Morgan. Hope you get brave and contact them or try one of the meetups!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
lwb, I'm so sorry to hear that you have been going thru something so simliar. and wow, our kids are even the same ages. seems like we have some stuff in common.
we did a couple of months with H on the couch, too, and yeah, the kids noticed (obviously), but he just doesn't see the differences in them, or if he does, doesn't get why they are happening. if d3 is more whiny/regressing on potty training, he just thinks she's being a brat. nice, huh? as for him here on the couch honestly, I got so tired of having a roommate. and I was really irked by how comfy he seemed at times. off and on, he would end up in the bed, but then things would change again. having him out of the house was hard at first, but also liberating in a way. having him here, but not as a husband, was like salt in the wound...a constant reminder that things were a mess, that he wasn't in love with me anymore, etc, etc.
if I had thought keeping him here, even on the couch, would have brought us closer, I would have stuck it out. but it seemed to have the opposite effect. granted, him gone continues to push him further away, but I think that would have happened regardless. so I don't regret my decision there.
thanks for writing, and look forward to getting to know you more.
Nikki, I may just do it one of these days. ya never know! things are busy from now until september, which is good, but come fall, I might just start reaching out some more.
Last edited by morgan; 08/09/0701:14 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Did you ask your H to leave in the end? And he agreed and left? My H threatened for months to leave, then when I asked him to (after he told me about A), he left for one night and came back. When I asked him just what he thought he was doing 'back', he said he missed me, the girls, and felt bad putting it on my shoulders. But then, I got a little "Its my house too" attitude. So, now. Here we are, co-existing. Now, my situation is a bit different. As of now, I am the bread winner and work crazy hours, so really, technically he has nothing to move out with. BUT...I don't think of it as my money, I really don't. If he moved out, I would expect him to pay for it with OUR money anyway. Also, his dad lives alone in a huge house and he could move there, but admitted he doesn't want anyone to know right now. Especially his very religious father. Hmmm....
Other than something legal or things getting really ugly, I don't see him leaving anytime soon. I agree, I think in a way I would be very liberated if he left, but we both worry it would drive us farther apart as all.
Confused much? hehe
Its so hard isn't it? To put the happy face on for the kids, and inside you want to be bundled up in a ball under the bed. But, the good thing about kids is that life goes on, and we have to go with it, whether we want to or not.
