The irony is that the downfall was a combination of his shame issues AND his feeling that his happiness was dependent upon me. So therefore when he was unhappy he believed it was because something was wrong between US. Now he sees this was a problem for him and for us. If he had looked within himself first, he would not have been susceptible to the OW.
I don't know your whole story but it seems to me that even though it is true that introspection could have altered your X's POV, if he had an affair the problem wasn't his feelings of happiness or unhappiness but his behavior resulting from those feelings. I was freakin' miserable in my marriage and I didn't have an affair. Let's say you're married to someone who drinks too much. Does it matter whether they drink too much because they feel like they're unhappy with your marriage or they drink too much because they're unhappy with themselves? Should I have cared whether my 2bx didn't want to have sex with me because he was unhappy with my appearance or because he was unhappy with his job? If your X had an affair, his inability to self-validate wasn't his problem. His problem was his inability to keep his c*ck in his pants.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
