okay, wtf is his problem? seriously? or wtf am I doing wrong here???? when we were e-mailing the other day, I asked if he would get a name for a play therapist for S5 from his therapist. mine doesn't have one to recommend, I'm going thru insurance lists but its nice to have a name. I would really like S5, also D3, to see someone because of some concerns I am noticing. nothing major, but my therapist and my best friend (a therapist) have mentioned that it would be a good idea at this point, based on my descriptions of behavior changes.
H just came to pick up the kids and I asked if he had gotten any names (he comes on wedn after therapy). He said his therapist didn't think it was necessary, based on the fact that the kids are doing so well and there are not behavior issues.
omg, is he kidding me???? I was floored. now, keep in mind, I was sweet as pie the whole time...not accusing, not belligerent or anything, just, we are in the together for the kids attitude (which we are). I told him I just needed some names, and that there were some behavior changes that I notice...hell, I've talked to H about 99% of them as they happen.
H got pissy and said they don't do it around him, and what was I specifically talking about. I asked if I could e-mail the list of behaviors later, mainly because i wanted it in writing so he couldn't say I didn't mention it again, but also because the kids were right there. he went off on me about how hard I make everything...literally, I was sitting there open mouthed. I wasn't doing anything, nothing. I've been freaking db-ing like crazy for the most part, one little slip, but for the past month, I've been really good.
finally, as is a pattern I am trying to break, I did give in and tell him. I kept my voice light and calm, and explained about specific behaviors that I was concerned about. His only response was that he doesn't get it from them when he is with them. I explained, in a non-attack manner, as best I could, what my therapist/my friend had explained why that is.
it just makes me so mad. not only that, but the fact that he got so angry at me and made it seem like I was the one making a big deal about things again. I swear, this man does NOT see himself, and not only that, everything, and i mean everything, in this world that is bad or difficult is somehow because of ME. I am so sick of being the whipping boy here. I am. I am not, and have never done anything that makes me deserve this attitude/treatment. I am in NO way perfect, and trust me, I own ever single thing that I did wrong in our marriage, but omg, it was never anything that bad, not that makes me deserve this. I'm tired of him seeing me as this awful person. I'm tired of it. and I could talk till I am blue in the face, and it wouldn't change any of it.
anyway, I just called his therapist (used to be our mc, for about a month, so I know him) and asked for a recommendation. he didn't, obviously, say that h had mentioned it at all to him...not sure if h did or decided on his own not to, which could be very possible. I didn't ask, doesn't matter. mama bear is in town and I'm going to do what's best for my kids, not going to wait around for him.
so the question, after this long rant, is, do I e-mail him the list of behavior issues, or do I just e-mail them as they happen?
Last edited by morgan; 08/08/0708:03 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
