Remember though, they are trying to justify their actions. They are telling themselves there is no other way, that you cannot change and that they have made the right decision. When you do start to change, and they begin to recognize it, it throws them off.
I believe what Stewart says is true & is happening right now with your W. She doesn't want any positive thoughts to intrude into her decision, so will be actively "baiting" you for ammunition to support her reasoning that you're someone she would be better without.
Your desciptions of how she goes about creating distance is very familiar to me in my sitch & I'm sure in others as well. That's why it's good to have imput on their motivation, so you don't buy into it.
Agree also that people who are done are indifferent. Your W is still actively doubtful IMO.
