Man, this sucks. Have this baseline feeling of dread about the D mediation next week that I can't seem to shake. Not in a bad mood or anything, just kind of a nod to what I hope is not the inevitable.
Watched a few episodes of Monk with my W on Monday. Made the mistake of asking for a hug. Immediately said, never mind, don't hug me if you don't want to and walked away. Didn't say it mean or anything, just kind of flat.
Tuesday, I was walking out the door for dance class as she was walking in. Very limited interaction. Had to go upstairs for something out of the bathroom or I don't even think she would have told me good night had I not gone upstairs.
Was a little snippy with her this morning. Offered to bring some movies back to the video store, but she kept saying don't bother. Like she's trying to prove that she can be independent and doesn't need me. Good lord, I know she doesn't need me, but it's like she spurns any offer of help from me. It's like she's pushing me away so that she doesn't have to think about what she's doing or open herself up to a chance that things can get better/she can have feelings for me again. Normally would've let it slide off of my back, but I am NOT a morning person. Sent her a quick email apologizing for being snippy with her.
I'm really starting to believe that she's done. Going to have to do some serious thinking about my goals over the next few days.
On a happier note, contacted a rugby team in Frederick. Once my dance lessons are done in 6 or so weeks, going to pick up for half of the season. Something I've always wanted to do but held back from because of games on the weekend and worry about travel, kids, etc. Well, no more holding back from doing things I've wanted to do for years.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
