Nomo - I wish I could afford you as a note taker, what an incredible journal
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A little later, when W is ready to leave, she comes into the bedroom, with D4 on her back, and asks me for the umbrella. I say, "Oh, do you want the golf umbrella?" and start to head to the garage. She says "no, just a regular one." I say, "oh, ok, well those are in the entry way closet" as they always are. And I keep getting ready just assuming she will get it herself. She sort of looks at me, maybe a little annoyed or disappointed, and she says "I may need your help." Guessing this is because D4 is on her piggyback, I say "oh, ok, sorry" and go get it. No biggie, but just felt a little strange at the time.
This type of exchange, the coffee routine suggest Acts of Service are an important LL for her. LLs are strange, those that are not important to us can be hard to understand. Personally, growing up as a single child, I'm more than a little independent and cannot understand acts of service. But my H has the same needs, and it is still a conscious effort to pause, see things from his perspective and respond as necessary.
I'm sorry about the funk during S7's birthday party. As painful as they are, I think they are a necessary part of this journey. We often think of growth as gentle and gradual, when in fact sometimes it is more like a metamorphosis (which may have contributed to the Imago brand choice, btw). It is interesting that you have now gotten to a point where you are questioning if W will in fact ever be able to fulfil the needs of your kids and you. It is a healthy place to be.
I'm so envious of your real life get togethers with dbers! And yes, Oscar the Cat was all over the news, even here in Singapore
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W sends me an email that her secretary's mother passed away, and asking if we could send flowers.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way, but I find her approach to this quite insane. Granted, with some folks, you would want to maintain a united front. But she has insisted on a separation, for goodness' sake, why would it be necessary to send flowers jointly? This may be an incident worth exploring - her motivation, instincts etc
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One time W called to get a freeze lifted (I was tied up with something), and they wouldn't let her do anything because she is not the "primary holder." I feel certain this contributed to her recent comments to me about getting her own cc, and she also said she wanted to establish her own credit. She has actually had an application for a new card next to her bed for a few weeks (she previous journaling - this had bothered me a little).
This is not an uncommon story, from both perspectives. I suspect something happens as we(working women) approach our late thirties and start feeling vulnerable from a financial perspective. Yours truly is on a campaign to have more independence, and like you, NG is disturbed. For me at least, it has nothing to do with him, or what I plan to do (nothing, actually). I suspect it is the same for your W?
Slowly
